Girl going away.

Sunday 21st December 2008.

I've watched 6 films today! How cool am I?
I've also completely decided that I love Christmas, not expecially the day but the run up to it. I see people a lot more often and I see a lot more people. Everyone's so much more welcoming and happy. It's great.
It feels so weird being out of the country at Christmas time. It sort of feels a little bit rude. Like walking out of a room just as someone else walks in.
This is my last blog for a couple of weeks while I'm on the farm in Argentina. So I want everyone to have an amazing Christmas and New Year, and I hope you all get everything you want.
I've been very lucky this year.
I'm going to miss everyone so much!!! Christmas is supposed to be all happy, but it actually feels quite sad this year.
Have a good one.

Merry Christmas Everybody.
Girl going away.
x.

Girl snuggled.

Friday 19th December 2008.
Saturday 20th December 2008.

My two Christmases at home... and boy have they been good.
Yesterday I spent the day with my mom's family. It was so good to see my cousin's baby daughter. She's only five and a half months old but she's growing up so fast, and she's absolutely gorgeous. She's at the stage where she smiles whenever I make a funny noise, which is quite a lot.
Then on the night was my house warming party. Was it the best party we've had or the worst? For very different reasons. Even though there was a lot of drunkeness and crying it was still a good night. Well I got something I've wanted for quite a while anyway.
Then today has been the best Christmas ever. In all honesty if it was a real Christmas day (then obviously I couldn't have gone shopping but other than that) then I would have loved to spend it the way I did. We finally have a sofa in the flat, so this afternoon was spend snuggled up with 'someone' watching Pirates of the Carribean.
Tonight, I've been at my nan's house for my Uncle's birthday and my Christmas. It's been such a brilliant night with all the family together, it hasn't been like that at Christmas for a long long time, but it's finally back the way it should be. Everyone's spent the night laughing together about 'how it used to be'. And I'm old enough now to appriciate that Christmas isn't just about receiving presents, because I do take so much joy out of giving someone a present. However, I can't explain how great the present off my dad is.
Thank you.
To everyone I've spent time with over the last few days, thank you for being there, the way you always are.

Christmas isn't a season it's a feeling.
Girl snuggled.
x.

Girl forgetting homework.

Thursday 19th December 2008.

Today was a day I was supposed to spend doing my homework that I won't be doing while I'm in Argentina... but instead I've been distracted by comedy tv, my friends and god knows what else. Should I do double the work tomorrow, or should I just think sod it it's Christmas?
Dad seems to be having the time of his life at the moment. Going out whenever he pleases, and coming home along the same guidelines. I have to hand it to him he's being amazing. I wish I could not let things get to me.
Over the years I am getting better at it, but then sometimes I still let little things annoy me.
At the moment there's the one major thing. - Why can't people not get involved in other peoples' business. Especially when they don't even acknowledge the other person usually.

My friends are my little family I've created. Love it.
Girl forgetting homework.
x.

Girl still living through the mistakes.

Wednesday 17th December 2008.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - There's nothing like a day that wasn't planned, but turned out randomly good.
I'm noticing more and more just how hard it is to write the blogs when I'm happy and there's nothing wrong. (Not that I'm asking for any dialemas or anything!)
I've started thinking about my new year's resolutions. I haven't got my final ones yet but I'm thinking it should mainly be along the lines of 'work harder at school'.
Why is it that in most circumstances and situations we always know the right thing to do, and we know exactly where we're going wrong... and yet we repeat the same mistake over and over again? Is that just another one of the curiosities of human nature or is there a reasonable answer to it.
People say we learn from our mistakes, but I'm afraid to say that a lot of people don't. Otherwise why would people continually trip up over the same hurdle?

I love the photos in my bedroom.
Girl still living through the mistakes.
x.

Girl feeling festive.

Tuesday 16th December 2008.

Well, I am officially feeling Christmassy. A little late I may grant it, but its quality is priceless. Today we went carol singing around the Pheasy estate with the teachers, and it was so fun! That is the type of thing Christmas should be all about. It isn't about asking people for what you want it's about spreading happiness in as many different ways as possible.
Tonight has been a very childish night, but in a great way. It's nice to know that however sensible you have to be most of the time and how fast we have to grow up sometimes that you can still enjoy times that are innocent. I love laughing at things that aren't even that funny, with people that don't think I'm weird for laughing at them... or they do but they stick around despite that.
It's also reassuring to know that however much time, people and places change that some things linger for a lot longer.
Sorry if I don't seem to have a poignant message for you all this evening, but I am just truly happy for no majorly obvious reason. I guess I've realised I have pretty much I could ever ask for and more.
I love everyone in my life right now.

9 Days...
Girl feeling festive.
x.

Girl warm.

Monday 15th December 2008.

Who is happier... someone reaching their goal early, or someone who worked long and hard to get there?
In life some people get their opportunities given to them too early for their own good. Often it's opportunities that they won't get offered ever again, but at the time it's too early for them to be really beneficial and actually be filled to their full potential. Other people get offered chances later than they would have wanted them and by that time they don't believe in what they used to anyway.
Is an opportunity actually valuable if it doesn't come at the right time or can it end up being destructive?
I'd like to think that being given a chance at any point in your life is a precious gift. However, deep down I know that it isn't true. There's a time and a place for everything, how ever wonderful it may seem. If it isn't your time or your place then sometimes the best thing is to let things pass. You never know. If it's meant to happen it will return at a better time and place.

What's meant to be will be.
Girl warm.
x.

Girl looking forward to a new world.

Sunday 14th December 2008.

Last night I had a big discussion over dinner about preconceptions. Do we all judge too early about someone or something? Or is an early judgement the most truthful?
I am aware I do it, and I think everybody does - whether it be conciously or otherwise. The truth of the matter is I don't think it's the preconceptions we have of people that cause the conflict, it's the way we act upon them and whether we're open minded enough to change them.
Some of us are black and some of us are white. Some of us are fat and some of us are thin. Some rich and some poor. Some thoughtful, some selfish, some good and some bad. By now we should all be well aware of the surroundings we live in and how different we all are. Difference is one of the greatest gifts we've all been given and within that difference we should unite to embrace it.
I can't wait to live in a world where no one judges people for something they think they are and not waiting before granting that decision. I can't wait to live in a world where people accept and enjoy.
If a lot of people agree with this then why isn't it opening up before us all?
The future holds the need to be educated. Not in geography, trigonometry or biochemistry... but in each other. Until we can understand the people we live with now how can we expect to move forward?

Create today the world you want to live in tomorrow.
Girl looking forward to a new world.
x.

Girl humming.

Saturday 13th December 2008.

I watched a documentary today. It was about how songs and music have affected people over time and how they have changed.
A few years ago someone said to me, "Life doesn't revolve around music." Well I beg to differ. (Here we go again...)
Many people have a birth song, if they don't then they almost definitely have songs played at a christening or a naming ceremony. At your 6th birthday party, your 16th, your 60th! All of these occasions are encrusted in songs. If anyone reminds you of a party you've been to I can almost guarentee that you can remember an exact song that was played there. Significant times or moments in your life can be associated with a song. We pick songs to be played at our funerals, weddings and every other occasion possible. Every day when you drive to work you have music played on the radio. Songs can define a person. Songs can make you happy, sad, laugh, cry or just simply smile as you remember the first time you heard it.
So for someone to say to me that, "Life doesn't revolve around music." Well let's just say that for someone to make such a claim they must be deaf or very well isolated.



-Yeah, I really do...

There's a song in everyone's heart.
Girl humming.
x.

Girl with her friends.

Friday 12th December 2008.

Well today has been an absolutely brilliant day. I don't think I've laughed this much in a long long time. All my lessons have been funny, and with some of my favourite people.
Tonight I planned on sitting in all night doing my English Literature essay. The the buzzer goes and the girls turn up. I love nights like this. All we've done is sit and talk and watch old videos. And I know my dad will come in and not be annoyed there are people here till midnight.
I honestly do think this is happiness in a room.
One thing could make me a lot happier right now. Who knows, it might just happen...?

We decide whether we're happy or not.
Girl with her friends.
x.

Girl feeling Christmassy.

Thursday 11th December 2008.

Today Christmas has hit me. Walking through town after school there was Fairytale of New York playing in the street, that feeling can't be linked with any other feeling we may ever possess.
How can people not like Christmas? It's something I really can't relate with. How can someone not enjoy the one time of the year where the smallest gesture can bring the biggest smile upon someone's face. It's the perfect time to let people know how you feel.
It's quite sad to think that in the world we live in Christmas Day seems to be the only day of the year that we still actually devote to family. Therefore if it is the only family day left in the year it should be valued.

I love buying Christmas presents for people. What a nice feeling is it to buy something that you know will put a smile on their face? If you think about it that is what we spend a lot of our time doing all the time. So buying gifts should be a great thing for us to do because it's our chance to pick things that will allow us to accomplish our every day task.
When buying your gifts this year make sure you think about what you're buying. Don't just buy everyone the same thing. It's boring, and makes you look like you couldn't be bothered.

The saddest thing in the world is to wake up on Christmas morning and realise you're not a child.
Girl feeling Christmassy.
x.

Girl meeting another deadline.

Wednesday 10th December 2008.

I can't explain how exhausted I am right now. It's been an incredibly busy day. I always say I like busy days, but I wouldn't say no to a nice quiet day where there are no deadlines to be met or anything like that. I haven't had one of those in a while.
Today we had the X-Factor night at school which went really well. I'd like to say how well everyone performed, everyone was so amazing!
And joining onto last night's blog I think I've decided upon something that's been occupying my mind for quite a while now. Of course I'm not going to give it away quite that easy, that would be very unlike the natural way of the cripticness of my blogs.

Which is better? A hectic day or a quite one...
Girl meeting another deadline.
x.

Girl waiting for a firework.

Tuesday 9th December 2008.

Back to my daily analysis of the life that I surround myself with, or is it the life that surrounds me? Do we actually get a choice in where we live, how we live or who we live with?
I do believe we all do get dealt a set of cards, as in any game of chance some people’s hands are easier and some are harder. But we must always bear in mind that it isn’t how we begin it’s how we finish. Your choices are half chance, sometimes we just need enough courage to take the chance, otherwise we end up living in the risk free realm. This is wonderful if you never want great loss, but without great loss you can never gain great success.
Meandering away from that analytical rambling I have another obtrusive thought. How do you know when the moment is right? People always say they’re waiting for the right moment, but who is it that signifies when it is? Never yet have I come across a parade of fireworks as a subtle signal. Beforehand the uncertainty fills me up and afterwards I am left only with regret. I do often wonder what the specific emotion is that hides in between.
There are moments when my impulses indicate to only one thing. But if the instincts only lie in moments then should I wait until they turn into time, days or weeks... or does that go against so much that I believe in? I guess it comes down to, should life be lived for the moment of chance or the years of stability?

It’s easy to give advice, harder to understand it and almost impossible to put it into practise. If you figure out how, do let me know.
Girl waiting for a firework.
x.

Girls changing the world.

Thursday 4th December 2008.
Saturday 6th December 2008.

The BBC.
Over the last couple of days my best friend and I have been working with the BBC to make a documentary on Children in Politics.
When I first got the phone call about it I was absolutely amazed that after a few short months we’d been singled out to do something so spectacular. After the original shock came excitement... Then came the work.
We had to plan and organise things for them to film and work on our answers to some of the most difficult questions we’d ever been asked. Why were we so interested in making a difference? Why do we think we can change the world?
The day when they came to school went well, all going to plan. Although it seemed as though the school took a little too much credit for it. Letters were distributed saying how the school had been asked to do this documentary. Ok I know people can get a little too ahead of themselves sometimes, and maybe we were, but nevertheless it was our hard work that had got us there, the school was only supposed to be a filming location. But of course, I’m never one to complain.
Then came Saturday 6th December; a day that will live within me for many years to come. National Climate Change day; the day of the march. We met up again with the BBC journalist and camera man who planned to follow us all day and ask us some more questions. Once we’d met the people from the UK YCC the whole event began to drop into place. I truly began to feel why we were there and I could physically see before me how we were making a difference.
As the day progressed we became more at ease with the whole situation, it isn’t an everyday experience to be staked by the BBC and someone constantly asking you questions. The answers to the earlier asked questions were now forming clearer answers in my head. Why, exactly, were we so interested in making a difference? We are the youngest members of the YCC and only been a part of it for nearly four months and yet already we’ve seen and experienced things I’d never have even dreamt we’d have the opportunity to do. And why do two sixteen year old girls think they can change the world? Personally I don’t. However the world is made up of people, people just like you and me. I know that occasionally someone comes along and inspires me and makes me think about things I’d never dared to dream of before. If our world is full of people with thoughts along similar lines to mine or can relate to that in any way then although two sixteen year old girls cannot change the world I am positive we will have a good go at trying to change the people in it.
Working with the YCC and the BBC I have learnt a lot. That there are people out there who are willing to stand up for something they believe in, whether or not it coincides with the beliefs of those who surround them. Secondly, while spending time out side of the documentary with the BBC men, they taught us a great deal too. That whatever we wanted to do in life not to delude our dreams and just become satisfied with what is expected of us. Instead we should aspire to do more than the expected – and do something we enjoy.
The experience has been about Climate Change and taking our turn and chance to make a difference and work towards a better future for everyone. But while taking that route some other important lessons have been learnt and enjoyed.
These accomplishments have been the best in my life so far and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful than I am as to whom I have shared it with. I know we’ll always be standing together to share every success our future holds.

Never stop being better because that is when you stop being good.
Girls changing the world.
x.

Girl with a can of beans.

25th November - 8th December 2008.

Some of you may notices, some of you may not. Some of you might be glad to be rid of them, some of you may have missed them. Not to worry though, my blogs are back from their brief departure.

In the last few weeks my life’s taken a drastic turn. Actually, I’m not sure if that is the way to describe it. Have we turned back the way we came? Or have we sped ahead and bought on the inevitable?

For once, I’m going to be explicit with what I have to say. My dad and I have moved out. We’ve moved from our ‘family’ and the house bought for us to all live in together happily ever after. To some that might sound upsetting, daunting, scary. For those who know better will understand the relief.

Since we moved out, we stayed with my Nan % Granddad for a week with the four of us living in a two bedroomed house and me sleeping on a sofa bed. I felt more comfortable and at home that I ever did in that house.

During these few weeks I’ve learnt some important lessons that will stay with me for some many years to come.

The first one being that money doesn’t make you happy. It might put a smile on your face and make things a little easier, but in the long run, if you don’t have the bare necessities in life then money will get you nowhere. It may buy you a house or car, but if you have noone to live with or go and visit then what do they actually account for?

My second lesson is about marriage. I can’t speak from first hand experience but I’ve been a part of two now and I think it is possible to learn a lot from just observing. I haven’t been put off, but neither am I eager to go running into it feet first. I’m not sure anyone has a perfect marriage, in fact, ‘perfect marriage’ is a complete oxymoron, however, if we don’t have a littlee magic, belief and hope then there’s never going to be a reason to try and reach a little bit further, run that little bit faster or walk into the unknown. I can’t imagine a single person I could love every day for the rest of my life. I think that would be one of the hardest things to do in life. But just because I can’t imagine them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Another thing I’ve learnt about is just how incredible my parents really are. Since living here I’ve had long conversations with my dad every night. One night we stayed up until midnight talking… just talking.On my day off, everyone went out with their friends, I went out shopping with my mom for the day. Parenting must be a hard job to do, it’s something everyone expects you to get rightm but never actually tell you how to not go wrong. Some how my parents have had the rules, tuahgt me the lessons and made their mistakes along the way, and along with all that they become two of my best friends. Two of my favourite people in the world.

Also, just like everything else in life friendship has a sell – by date. Some are like a can of beans; you’ve always got them and they’re ready whenever you need them. Others are like ice cream; lovely in small doses but never last too long. They you have the home made meal. If you can’t have it the first time around then you can always freeze it for a while and rehear it when you’re ready. Although there’s only so many times you can reheat it before it does some serious damage.

So those are my life lessons learnt so far. I’ve had quite an education in these two weeks. I’m not sure if everybody would learn that in their whole life. Is that good that they’re blissfully oblivious? Or bad that they’re totally naïve?



Never stop trying to obtain the obtainable.

Girl with a can of beans.

x.

Girl on the move again.

Monday 24th November 2008.

Just been on the phone with the guy from the BBC to discuss exactly what he wants to film for his documentary and all that sort of thing. I do have to say that it all seems so exciting!
On the other hand why do people confuse me so much most of the time. When you think about it life is seriously crammed full with all the torments and challenges delicately stringed together with the nice moments. These are the moments that lead us to believe we are happy even when we're living under circumstances we aren't actually happy with.
I live for these moments, as do a lot of other people I'm sure.
Moving into the new flat tonight.

Our new start.
Girl on the move again.
x.

Girl unsure.

Sunday 23rd November 2008.

I don't quite understand why people are so unsure of everything. Maybe they always have been and now I'm only just realising it.
If someone's your best friend surely they're supposed to be able to forgive and forget. If they don't then eventually you learn to live with it and hopefully not make the same mistakes again. On the other hand how are you supposed to react when they do forgive and forget... but only for a while before they bring it all back up again.
Maybe that's why people are so unsure of everything. We never can predict the stability of a friendship.
Friendships are supposed to be the strongest relationship you could ever have. So why does it get so easily pushed to the side and quickly replaced?
Hopefully I'll get better at the friendship thing...

Books and friends should be good but few.
Girl unsure.
x.

Girl surprised.

Saturday 22nd November 2008.

Well today has been very busy. We went all the way to Wales to go and pick a table up off my dad's friend. Good chats about uni in the back of the car on the way there, and I became very hairy from the dog very soon after we got there.
I got laughed at because I didn't know the colours of football teams' kits.
Later on this evening I've had an amazing surprise.
You don't really realise just how much you've missed someone until you suddenly see them again. Everything around me has altered lately but it hasn't really changed.. and then in waltzes my Navy guy. He's grown up and changed so much. It's amazing to see someone fulfilling what they've always wanted to do. They may have done it differently to how I would have and I have judged them, but now it's perfectly clear to me that they're exactly where they want to be, even if they did do it slightly different.
People change. I know that without a doubt. One comforting thing to remember though is that however much people may change relationships can always remain.

Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.
Girl surprised.
x.

Girl looking at the past.

Friday 21st November 2008.

Have you ever had a day that brought you rushing into your past?
Today is another step into my new life, however as I'm walking into it I seemed to have stopped to turn around and be reminded of how it used to be - perhaps how it should have been. I guess life isn't about 'should have been'.
It's a nice reminder and lovely to recall some of the happiest times of my life, as long as I remember that they're in the past. Happy times can be recreated in new adventures.
The happiest times in your life are often those that were never amazingly outstanding at the time, but when you look back on them you think that it couldn't have been any better... if only you'd have appreciated it a little more at the time. Or is that not the case at all? Maybe just because it isn't perfect right now we fool ourselves into believeing that perhaps that was perfection? Maybe neither were, we just still haven't found it yet.
I guess all we can do is continue along our path in hope of finding this 'perfection' somewhere along the way.

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. - Anna Quindlen.
Girl looking at the past.
x.

Girl pretty sweet.

Thursday 20th November 2008.

I've just hunted through boxes looking for Great Expectations. Not to worry though, it's been located! I'm extremely pleased to find my last page still indicated with an old train ticket. I must have been reading it on the train to my mom's.
So life seems pretty sweet on the daily basis at the moment. I got an A on an essay in Literature, I finished my book (you have to love that feeling), I'm being interviewed for the BBC and the new flat is lovely and homely.
I guess life is amazingly unpredictable and is always lurching in the most unexpected corner ready to frighten us to death or greet us with a welcoming hand. The juxtaposition of one day to the next is engaging, always keeping us tuned in. That is life though isn't it. It wouldn't be called living if it didn't nearly kill us every now and again.

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out of it alive anyway.
Girl pretty sweet.
x.

Girl working hard.

Wednesday 19th November 2008.

Today I went to Cambridge University. A real eye opener.
I've always known it was perhaps The best university in the country, however I've never really accepted that until today. Just walking around, you don't even need to go into it, to understand this. You can almost feel the knowledge drifting around you. The want - almost the need to plunge into it is present in every corner of the campus.
The people that walk around you seem almost real. Unthinkable isn't it? They even act real, and normal too. Surely people that clever don't actually live in the same way we do?!
I've never been to a place that holds so much beauty, knowledge and history in such a small place. There's not a alcove, corner or crevis that doesn't have a story to tell. Eight hundred years worth of lives have passed through the doors, leaving as a different person as to when you walked in. Only spending five and a half hours there, and I already feel different.
I know how hard I have to work now, I'm unbelievably determind.

Also.
Got the keys today. It's not quite Cambridge manner, but it's cosy and homely. I walked in and felt more at home than I ever did at Hawley. Going to really make it work.

Sometimes, against all expectations things do get better. Little by little.
Girl working hard.
x.

Girl opportunistic.

Tuesday 18th November 2008.

A day and half!
Lost in translation is a term to define today. People constantly not understanding the message you're trying to portray to them... Usually they're perfectly capable of understanding it, they just don't want to admit it to themselves. God forbid they'd actually put a foot out of place!
On the other had a wonderful opportunity. I had a phone call off someone from the UK Youth Climate Coalition, saying they wanted young people to go to a march protest taking place in Hyde Park on 6th December and to do an interview with BBC. We'd been reccommended for it and they've invited us down!
Can't wait!!

It's not how you begin, it's how you end.
Girl opportunistic.
x.

Girl two faced.

Monday 17th November 2008.

Funny isn't it just how many people we know.
How many of them do we love? How many do we hate? How many do we forget about?...
I think the most interesting category of people however lies inbetween the like and hate. The people that we fool ourselves we have to like, and the do the same on their behalf... but in actual fact you both know that deep down inside you can't stand the sight of each other. You try to find common ground and share interests, but you know that as soon as it's been shared you no longer want to admit to liking it.
Anything that slightly resembles them inside of you, makes you all of a sudden very unsure of yourself.
How many of these people exist in your life?

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Girl two faced.
x.

Girl in a photo.

Sunday 16th November 2008.

I have to say I'm really enjoying the book I'm reading at the moment, I can't put it down.
I've just been looking at some photos from the few days we spent at Butlins and the end of October. I really did have a fantastic time, I'd love to go back and do it all over again.
We say that a lot, don't we? But if it came down to it I wonder if we actually would? Is it worth the risk of doing it again and it not being as good as the first time, or ruining the spontanaeity...
The most amazing times of our life we always look back on and think that they went too quickly, but perhaps that's why they were such good times. They ended before they had time to go sour.
I guess that just tells us to enjoy every moment for what it is, instead of wishing for the next one.

Let's be a kodak couple and smile in all the pictures, look silly when we take them, and laugh all day until we run out of film.
Girl in a photo.
x.

Girl trying to balance.

Saturday 15th November 2008.

The shit. Has hit. The fan.
Can a leopard change its spots? I'd like to say they can. But thinking about it, it becomes clearer that in actual fact they only change the appearance of their spots on the outside. Deep down the spots are still there in every thought, action and decision that they make.
Everyone's 'spots' are gained throughout their life depending on their experiences along their journey. The spots are there to stay, eternally. However the difference between people is how they use their spots... for self benefit, or to benefit others?
The key to happiness and keeping others happy is a healthy balance between the two.

Everything happens for a reason.
Girl trying to balance.
x.

Girl on the move.

Friday 14th November 2008.

A day I'm sure will stick in my mind for a long time yet.
We're always moaning that there's never a moment's peace, and it's true - in a lot of cases. However why moan about it? This is our only chance at life, and along with life comes living. Sitting at home watching the telly with nothing on your mind isn't exactly the most excitement of living if you ask me.
To live you have to go through the hardship to come out on top and enjoy the jubilation at the end of it sometimes. We seen to only recognise the heights as the wonderous of life, but you'll realise that the lows actually decipher a lot of your life, and they're what make the highs so exceptional.
We can go through our years collecting this and that, but all it really narrows down to is things. Instead we should focus on living. Not just sitting down for five minutes, because in those five minutes you could have lived a little more.
I've just seen the contents of my life in bags and boxes laid out before me. Some provoke a few memories, but a lot of it... it's just there for decoration. They're not necessary.

Why does she ask to speak to me now? For the last five years I've been told to keep out of the way because it's their argument not mine.
When will she learn that things don't always go her way. It's not particularly our way either. It's simple the way.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Girl on the move.
x.

Girl waiting.

Thursday 13th November 2008.

Perhaps one of the strangest evenings of my life. In a household with four people, all of their lives about to take a drastic turn... only two of them aware of it. That is how to make yourself feel like living evil.
Does everyone deserve what they get?
Something I've noticed is for the last week I've been happily distracted by life itself and everything in it. A smile on your face can go a long way and fool a lot of people. So by the same principles, having a hard face and always acting a long with it... can't that make people think you're someone that you're not?
I hope this time we've gotten it right.
One. Last. Night.

What goes around comes around?
Girl waiting.
x.

Girl off to read.

Wednesday 12th November 2008.

A huge well done to the entire cast of 'My Fair Lady'. It was completely mesmorising.
Everything else today, has also been pretty damn good. A few spontaneous things have been asked of me and put me on the spot a little, but all in good nature.
Tomorrow morning I have to be in school early to present a video to the senior leadership team, luck me eh? Hopefully they'll like it!
Anyway, it's been a long day and I'm reading a good book at the moment which a friend reccommended. So no poignant thought for tonight I'm afraid.
Other than...

Because you believed in me, I believed in me.
Girl off to read.
x.

Girl proud.

Tuesday 11th November 2008.

Rememberence Day.
It really does make me think about bravery. How much courage must those soldiers have had? To leave their homes and families, something they were so sure of... to leave them to live a life that they had no idea what it would bring them.
I'm the type of person who has to know where I'm heading, of course I like to take spontaneous acts, but I like to have a rough idea of where it'll all end up. For someone to not think of their own interests but actually act upon the best interests of everyone at hand and live their life to those rules... well they have every ounce of respect from me.
A person a lot closer to me has shown every sign of this. He hasn't run into a battle field risking his life for others, however he's done something just as substantial... He's risking his whole happiness. He's walking along a path completely blind folded, but still with a smile on his face.
Some people wouldn't class this as bravery, but right now he is defintely one of the bravest people I know.
I'm so proud to call him my dad.

It may not be always easy. But it will always be worth it.
Girl proud.
x.

Girl presenting.

Monday 10th November 2008.

Just finished homework for the night I think. It's something that I didn't even have to do, but being such a lovely person I told my English teacher I'd do her a favour.
Tomorrow I have to do two presentations, I'm a little bit nervous. I'll just keep telling myself what I always tell other people to think, "I know more about this than the people in front of me do."

I wonder how much longer I'll be here for?
Girl presenting.
x.

Girl in the middle.

Sunday 9th November 2008.

It's a crazy mixed up world where the timing never fits with the plot.
I wonder when it'll next all fall into step with each other and the word confusion will just be a far off distant memory.
I feel like I'm just in the middle of everyone, trying to figure out what will be the best for them, when in actual fact I have no idea. I'm having to face things I don't have the slightest clue about, what if I make the wrong decision? What if it doesn't work? What if once again I mess it all up?
I'm in the middle trying to keep everyone happy, but no one seems left in the middle with me.

When does it get easy?
Girl in the middle.
x.

Girl proud of her dad.

Saturday 8th November 2008.


Spent the day pretty much with all of my favourite people. Been brilliant and I've loved every moment of it. I'll say it once again, I really do love it when things don't go to plan and then your evening turns out even better.

So, my Nan and Granddad have just been talking to me about everything in the last five years. I've just realised exactly how much has actually happened. Granddad said he was very proud and stuff and he hoped everything went well because we deserved it. I couldn't agree more for my dad, he deserves endless happiness. Bad luck there will be no more of, I can promise you that. I guess it just isn't life if it doesn't throw challenges at you though.

One thing I'm not sure about though, has the constantness of it all made me stronger, or actually weaker? A worn down stone breaks easily.

I hope it works out for dad, I really do.


Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.

Girl proud of her dad.

x.

Girl asking for an opportunity.

Friday 7th November 2008.

Have I missed an amazing opportunity by following a path of false hope instead? Is it too late to turn back around and try to catch up?
After certain actions I got a clear interpretation of someone's feelings, but since then a hazy cloud seems to have come to disguise things. Sometimes the cloud breaks and the sun shines slightly though, and I wonder if I've imagined it all. Inevitably the cloud still lingers though.

You create your opportunities by asking for them. - Patty Hansen.
Girl asking for an opportunity.
x.

Girl waiting.

Thursday 6th November 2008.


It's really late and I'm still up doing work. Joy.

I've come to realise that when we worry, it's always about what's going to happen. Something we need to realise, and it's taken me quite a while to figure this one out, is something quite plain and quite simple. Something doesn't always happen. So don't worry about it.

The time for worrying is when it's happening, because only then do you truly know what you need to worry about.


Yes once again I'm being too vague and lacking in sense. I never claimed to be any other way.


"It's not time to worry yet," - To Kill A Mockingbird.

Girl waiting.

x.

Girl giggling.

Wednesday 5th November 2008.

Mike's Birthday.
The two things I love the most; people and language. So when they're combined and it's the people closest to me and the way they phrase things, it can make me laugh so much.
There are times when people sit and think things and never actually say them, they never end up very far in getting what they want. Then there's the people who say everything they want to, regardless of who it might embarrass or how stupid it may make them look.
Some of the funniest people in the world today aren't funny through what they do, nor by what they say, but by how they say it. Often it's the most obvious things that make us laugh, purely because no one will actually say it.

Make someone smile today.
Girl giggling.
x.

Girl reading.

Tuesday 4th November 2008.

There's something so magical about a book. It can hold an entire life in it, a whole love story, it can make you laugh, it can make you cry, it can change your life. There's no other way to get a message across to people the way a novel can.
So why don't some people read them?
Personally I can't give a justified answer to this, because to not read is just unthinkable to me.
Sometimes we all get so wrapped up in our little lives we forget about what other people have to gone through and how they got through it. Reading a book is a huge insight into the deepest part of someone, even a fictional book reveals so much about a person. However many blogs I write I will never reveal as much about myself as someone does when writing about a character. It's impossible to keep yourself out of a book you've written.
Books are the best way we can understand people, and each of their stories. They allow us to see not only what their situations are but what they think of them.
Something that can let you live inside it, outside of your own life, even for a second has to be magic. There's nothing else to it.

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. -Roald Dhal.
Girl reading.
x.

Girl decided.

Monday 3rd November 2008.

When you finally think you've made one decision why does everything happen to make you change your mind again? But this time I really think I have decided. Friends come first no matter what, and that should manipulate every decision from here on forward.
Also, I've realised just how much I've missed certain people who used to be such a huge part of my life, and now they just seem to hang in the sidelines. I hope they stay at least in the sidelines so I always get to keep them.
ALSO. I really do love Birmingham at night time. It's so magical.

Some are keepers.
Girl decided.
x.

Girl trying not to think.

Sunday 2nd November 2008.

There are things I could sit and think about until I was blue in the face, but afterwards all I've done is think, and where has that got me? Or there's the other option of just waiting until things happen and only think about it when you're faced with a decision.
All the pointless thought and endless worrying that we do in the meantime is often an excessive pain and drama.
The less we think about things the more we'll actually act, because we won't talk ourselves out of things. I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing though.

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening. - George Barzan
Girl trying not to think.
x.

Girl trying to juggle.

Saturday !st November 2008.

White rabbits.
Should your purpose in life be to try to make yourself happy, or should others' happiness come before your own? Is it selfish to make yourself happy?
I used to think all I wanted out of life is to be happy, and that seemed like a big enough task to fulfill... but what if that isn't the end to it? Just lately it seems like I have to make everyone else happy as well.
I always seem to be inbetween everyone, always unbalanced and hoping for an opportunity. Sometimes I pass the opportunity by and sometimes I take it - I've taken it a lot more just lately. However it appears as though taking the opportunity isn't enough, you must need something else as well. I can't figure out what though.
I've been happy for ages and yet I still couldn't quite grasp things properly.. permenantly. Then I thought if I'm happy and I'm making other people happy then surely everything else will fall into place. But obviously not. That in itself is virtually impossible to do, to keep everyone else happy and yourself all at the same time.
I think the thing missing is luck. I need a bit of that thrown my way.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look for so long at the closed door we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Girl trying to juggle.
x.

Girl immune.

Friday 31st October 2008.

Happy Halloween.
I feel like I should feel... something, anything. But I don't.
There's so much going on right now, everything's completely messed up, and yet I can't hate anyone, I can't love them, or empathise. People I've spent so long hating I suddenly just don't care.
I'm scared of the fact that I just don't feel. Right now I should be so angry, or upset, or anything... but not nothing.
I don't feel like anything, but I'm so worried about how I make other people feel. I don't want to hurt or upset anyone. It's ok to upset yourself because you can control the blame. If you upset someone else you have no control over how they feel. Therefore it's sometimes to just let yourself be upset, especially if you don't actually feel it.

I want someone or something to make me feel.
Girl immune.
x.

Girl lost.

Thursday 30th October 2008.

Next week by the looks of it.
If you'd have spoken to me a month ago and asked me where I thought I'd be, my answer would have been anywhere but here. I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going, or where I'll end up. In more ways than one.
Questions have been answered, and several more have doubled up in their place. There really is never an end to drama and the way life pans out.
I've learnt a lot, mostly things people could have told me straight away if only I'd have asked. Sometimes you have to figure things out for yourself.

It's as simple or complicated as you make it.
Girl lost.
x.

Girl with numb feet.

Wednesday 29th October 2008.

I love days that take a mind of their own. Where you end up somewhere that you never even imagined at the start of the day.
There's one thing better than a surprise... a nice one.
Looking back on this evening it's quite amusing how quickly it went. Doing absolutely nothing, you'd think would be incredibly boring. Aparently not. I was tired, I was cold, I was mildly hungry - and I was happy.
What a lovely feeling.
So cold, yet I'm completely warming up for more reasons than one.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you'd left open.
Girl with numb feet.
x.

Girl doing crazy things.

Tuesday 28th October 2008.

The ongoing game. It's about to change our lives, whether it be seriously or just makes them that little bit more entertaining.
It's all about making life more spontaneous and push us to our limits. Things we never thought we'd be able to do, things we probably don't want to do... but then again our friends always know the best don't they. Don't they.
I guess it just gives us an excuse to do crazy things.
So there's the Winter Challenge, during which...
I DARE you!

It's no time for ease and comfort. It's time to dare and endure.
Girl doing crazy things.
x.

Girl looking forward to Her life.

Monday 27th October 2008.


It never ceases to amaze me just how time does 'fly by'.

We all make a point of only having one life so we must make the most of it while we can. Although I'm really not sure just how true this is to be honest. I'm only sixteen years old, and already I feel like I've had a few different lives.

I've had the perfect life. Living in a pretty little house, with a pretty little family and having pretty little problems... which turned out to be not so pretty. But it could be looked upon that the most pretty things have the most subtle beauty.

Then there's the fun stage of my life, where I wasn't a teenager but I acted more like one then than I do now.

Then there's the most joyous life I've led so far...Oh I do love to be sarcastic.

So when we say time flies, it really does. Because in sixteen years I've led a few different lives, all of which have made me the person I am today.

I wouldn't change anyone in my life so far, or anything that's happened. I haven't enjoyed it all, but there have been some parts I have. And for everything amazing that happens and every break you're given you have to go through the bad.


Been through and still smiling.

Girl looking forward to Her life.

x.

Girl who's learnt a lot.

Sunday 26th October 2008.

We all make mistakes every day of our life and sometimes it's hard to admit defeat. Usually the most substantial mistakes are those that we refuse to admit to.
I know when I do things wrong, I'm usually first to point it out... and as most of you know I'll usually point out when someone else has made a mistake too. It's an unfortunate habbit of mine. Sorry.
The one thing that really winds me up though is when someone repeatedly makes the same mistake, one that doesn't actually have an effect on them but alters situations for everyone else around them, and then never accepts the blame.
It's been said that the best way we learn is from our mistakes. I sincerely believe this. However it must be impossible to learn from experience if you are always completely and utterly oblivious to the actual mistakes you make.
Next time you make a mistake just put your hands up and admit it, then see wehre you're going to go from there. If not you'll just get stuck in a never ending circle.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard
Girl who's learnt a lot.
x.

Girl scared to risk it.

Saturday 25th October 2008.

Something's been playing on my mind a lot today. So much so that I can't even decipher a beginning or an end to my thoughts.
I feel like I want something too much. Something that's completely out of reach.
I've been looking through a clouded window for a while and telling myself it could happen. It's time I cleaned it all and looked at the real life rather than living in the hope inside my head.
But is doing that going against what I really believe in? I think we should be able to run a life on hopes and dreams. They may not come true but it's better to believe they might than just settle with being unhappy.
I still have no idea what to do though.

Be happy with what you've got... or take the risk for what you want?
Girl scared to risk it.
x.

Girl wanting to go back.

Wednesday 22nd October 2008.
Thursday 23rd October 2008.
Friday 24th October 2008.

Three days and three nights spent with some of my favourite people in the whole world. It wasn’t a spectacular place, in fact quite far from it, however I wouldn’t have changed a moment of it.
It just goes to show that you can be anywhere in the world, and it won’t matter in the slightest. You can see the sights from the top of the pyramids and take the photos prove the memories, but the memories that you don’t need to prove to anyone are the most powerful of all.
The amazing sights in the world will always be spectacular but surely it’s the sights that everyone sees all the time, and yet you can still make them beautiful that are the most valuable of all.
Every one of my friends leads a different life away from me, and I lead one on my own too, but my favourite life is without a doubt when I’m spending time with them and being the person that I feel the most comfortable to be.
We could spend all the money in the world to create the perfect destination, but when it comes down to it it’d never be able to hold any of the perfection that your friends can create.

Getting dolled up to go nowhere special.
The sea in October gorgeously cold.
Teacher dodging.
Borrowing toothpaste.
Too sweet tea.
Early mornings.
Sausage sandwiches.
Wizard of Oz.
Lala Lulu.
High ropes.
Swimming.
Rabbits.
Three in a bed.
Diet coke.
Boys with tidy rooms... then there’s ours.
Sluts.
Sandcastles.
Love Shack.
Just do it.
Stealing socks.
Everything hurts.
Friends.

Friends are always worth the trouble.
Girl wanting to go back.
x.

Girl considering the value.

Tuesday 21st October 2008.

There are some people that think so highly of themselves, but take no time to consider just how valuable other people are.
I’m not going to lie, I love myself. If you can’t love yourself then what hope have you got? The problem occurs when people love themselves more than they do other people. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss someone, try to help someone or put myself out for someone else. It wouldn’t be a worthy day otherwise.
We could all spend our days trying to keep ourselves happy, but wouldn’t a day be better spent trying to make other people happy? Don’t worry about other people ridiculing you for it, you’ll realise that when it comes down to it people will give you a lot more respect for it.
Try it out sometime, you’ll be surprised how easy it is.

Spread the love.
Girl considering the value.
x.

Girl annoyed.

Monday 20th October 2008.

There’s times when you need to adjust to a situation on your own. People may offer their help and advice, but you have to accept it yourself before any of this is actually worth a thing.
But how long can you go alone?
The main question is, are we made to cope alone? Or do we operate better when surrounded by other people?
The fact of the matter is that when we don’t include other people in our life, because we think we can manage on our own, there is only one person who it really affects. The other people. When people can’t help it makes them feel inadequate, even if you really don’t need their help.
So sometimes, even if you don’t need to, include other people. You might be the one who needs help, but by asking for it you actually help people in a way that is indefinable.

Home is any four walls that encloses the right people.
Girl annoyed.
x.

Girl waiting for a message.

Sunday 19th October 2008.

People say that my blogs are confusing and no one can ever understand what they actually mean. I’m perfectly willing to hold my hands up and admit that I want them to be that way. That way it only allows the people really close to me and who know me well to actually know what I’m going on about. It keeps me safe.
However, how can people make that judgement of my blogs when they themselves are unbelievably confusing?
I’ve decided it’s probably not worth the hassle of trying to work out. If there’s a message there that’s actually willing to be found out then it will show its face some time or another. If it doesn’t show its face then there’s obviously no point in spending your time pondering aimlessly over it.

It’s as simple or as complicated as you make it.
Girl waiting for a message.
x.

Girl Stumbling.

Saturday 18th October 2008.

What is it that makes a good writer?
Is it someone who makes the correct choices in the way they word things? Or someone who never makes a mistake? Or someone that knows the meaning of every long word? Or is it someone who stumbles over their words, makes a few mistakes along the way and takes a few wild guesses sometimes?
There are the amazing writers of all time that are household names; Shakespeare, Austen, Dickens... We can all analyse their writing to death and discover meanings in their work that they probably didn’t even realise were there, but is that what writing is really about?
Shouldn’t writing be there to express yourself and maybe entertain one or two people a long the way. It’s to get a message out of your heart and into the minds of other people. It isn’t to get scrutinised to the fine core until there’s no passion left.

Writing should come from the heart, not from the brain.
Girl stumbling.
x.

Girl very thankful.

Friday 17th October 2008.


Courage,
It can't be just about doing something you're scared of, that simply makes you a brave person.
If you have nothing to lose in the first place then how can you be classed as brave?
I've met a few people in my time who have shown true courage. They've done things that might not necessarily benefit them directly, but they know that it will help other people. This in my opinion is true courage.

They've noted that they might lose everything that they know, but for their life to move forwards then action must be taken. It's never an easy decision to make, and it might not appear the right one at the time, but it always turns out for the best.

The two people who I look to for everything have both given me life long lessons in this subject, and I'm so thankful to them. I might not have appriciated it at the time, but I can publically thank them completely now.

I hope I can have courage like that some day.


Just because it's not easier doesn't mean it's not better.

Girl very thankful.

x.

Girl in a house.

Thursday 16th October 2008.

When I’m older I want to have one thing in particular more than anything else... a home. I can’t even try to explain why, because I find it hard to grasp, exactly a home is so important to me.
They say that you can’t miss something you never had, but what if you did have it and then it was taken away? It doesn’t make you a weaker person for losing something; in fact I think quite the opposite. If you know what you’ve lost then surely it can only make you want to work harder to regain it again.
For a house to be a home it has to be filled with love and passion. It almost doesn’t matter what the passion is directed at; whether it be each other or towards an ambitious dream, as long as it is there. As for the love, that has to be distributed between every member... not only the members but they have to love their house as well.
A house only becomes a home when it’s been filled with memories and moments. It most certainly isn’t the furnishings and decor that will make you feel at home. Homes are like people; they can look like anything on the outside, but it’s only when you learn about the inside that you can really make an honest decision.
When I get a house of my own it’ll be a small one, not big, but just big enough. It’d be better to have one a big too small than a bit too big. In big houses people just live around each other, not with each other, that is almost as tragic as just living on your own.

A house is built with boards and beams. A home is built with love and dreams.
Girl in a house.
x.

Girl given the wrong name.

Tuesday 14th October 2008.

People seem to try their hardest to make me feel inadequate all the time. Too often.
Most of the time it’s the people that should be there for me, to help and teach me every step of the way. Like many things they never actually seem to be there when you need them, they just appear afterwards to claim that they’ve always been there for you. I did discuss this with some friends earlier, and then it’s just been put into action this afternoon.
One person in particular has been in this position for about five years now. She’s had so many opportunities to help me, and never once stepped up to the challenge. Instead she always rises for the chance to put me down. There’s only so long you can go on being told that you’re something before you start believing it. Then if you actually act like the person they’re always claiming you are why do they seem surprised and annoyed?
Someone asked me today who I wished I’d never met. Her.

If one is given a name, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name. – A.A. Milne.
Girl given the wrong name.
x.

Girl looking for her North.

Sunday 12th October 2008.

What makes you fall for one person and not another? There are the obvious things that attract us to a person, but then there are the differences in each of us that pull towards a different North.
What makes one person attractive to me, but not to you? What ever it is I guess we should all be thankful for it because it gives each and every one of us a special beauty, which belongs to only us.
Also why do we decide if we’re attracted to someone by looking at them? The looks will only be there for a small portion of our life spent with them; they won’t look like that in a morning, or after a good night out or after a hard day at work... but they’ll always keep the same personality, sense of humour and manners.
Being the apparent most intelligent animals on the Earth you’d think we’d have sussed it out by now that the good looking ones aren’t always the ones that will give us what we want. In fact it’s usually the complete opposite; they will only take what they want.
We should all be aware and honest that we do all spend our time looking for a partner; it’s not something to deny. However, when looking for one the looking part isn’t what will help you find them... all you actually need to do is listen.
Listen carefully; I’m certain there’s someone out there for everyone calling their name.

It only takes a second to say “I Love You” but a lifetime to show it.
Girl looking for her North.
x.

Girl giving advice on something she has no idea about.

Monday 13th October 2008.

There’s something that absolutely fascinates me. Why do girls dream up their ‘perfect’ way to be proposed to?
Everyone likes to be made to feel special. Flashy restaurant, rose on the table, soft music... but that’s just what the books and movies tell us is special. Anyone can save up to buy all of those things, but the gifts with expense behind them are actually worthless.
If you are about to marry someone then you’d need more than just the exposure.
In my opinion a far more ‘perfect’ way to be proposed to would be something that’s completely original, nothing extravagant and something that didn’t cost a penny.
If you empty your pockets to pay for that moment, then you will have the memories of how it all looked to last you a lifetime. If you do it without wanting to impress and just for the right reason, then you will have the memories of how it all felt... and they would last longer than a lifetime.

It’s the person, not the place.
Girl giving advice on something she has no idea about.
x.

Girl with a lonely hand.

Friday 10th October 2008.


Can you be just happy? Or does the fact that I placed the word 'just' before 'happy' imply that I'm going to find some substantial moral view that no, it couldn't possibly be ok to be 'just' happy.

Being happy is a common aspiration in every one of us, so when we experience it we often feel that nice warm feeling. It is nice, and it is warm... but only while it's there. That happiness is too easily snatched away from us, usually by the most uninvited hands.

So, is making ourselves happy really what we're all after? When we are happy we're really just lingering, too afraid to actually enjoy it, because we're waiting for it to be taken away by someone else who isn't happy. I think that we don't try to make ourselves happy at all, purely because of that feeling of it being snatched away too easily. For us to be truly happy we need someone to be there with us, to share the experience with, so that we know they won't risk losing their happiness either. Therefore ours is in two pairs of safe hands.

So, can you be just happy? I really don't think you can. To be happy there needs to be another person to stand with you. To be truly happy they have to hold your hand.


If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.

Girl with a lonely hand.

x.

Girl with a dream.

Thursday 9th October 2008.

Which is better; never being disappointed, or not having a dream?
Obviously to never meet disappointment would make you a very optimistic person, and if anything we all need a lot more of that in this world today. But if we didn’t experience disappointment then we wouldn’t truly understand the wonderful feeling of success either... and wouldn’t that be disappointing?
But to not have a dream... Well we could say we’d never cross paths with disappointment, but we wouldn’t have the ability to lose our selves some times. The only way to find yourself sometimes is to just lose yourself completely and utterly. Without dreaming we couldn’t aspire to reach not only your full potential but go that little bit further, even if it is just to surprise those around you. Without dreaming we wouldn’t ever actually go anywhere or discover new things.
So if you ask me, then disappointment and dreams, however opposing they are, actually always come hand in hand with each other. And I can’t see a time when it will ever be any different to that.
My biggest dream of all is to fulfil my dreams...

All dreams come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Girl with a dream.
x.

Girl in a big world.

Wednesday 8th October 2008.


Ok, so today didn't go quite to plan, but everything turned out for the better anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Some people today have made me really notice about how we all live completely wrapped up in our own little world completely careless to the worlds of others. I know some people are more prone to this than others but we can all be counted in this in some way or another. It's just never as obvious if your world's quite big. It's when you own world's small and you refuse to open it up a bit that it starts to cause conflict.
Today i was talking to a friend about how people moan about when their friends change when they've been in a relationship. This is unbelievably narrow minded to say it. When you think about it, yes, they have changed but it's impossible not to. The chances are that when they met you they changed too, because we all change all the time, and that isn't what causes the problems. It's when the people that surround you aren't invited to make the change with you or to just watch you change, that causes the problems. Which is understandable, no one likes to be intentionally or unintentionally left behind.So when you meet someone new be aware that the chances are you're going to change, but change can be good. Just make sure you don't leave people behind that you need, or more importantly the ones that need you.

Your priorities determine your progress.
Girl in a big world.
x.

Girl going to Argentina.

Tuesday 7^th October 2008.

 

Who knew what tomorrow could bring?

This time yesterday I wasn’t exactly feeling brilliant… but today!

There seems to be a light part way down the tunnel, it may not be the final solution but it’s definitely on the way.  It’s also a good mile stone for me too.

I’m being given a life changing opportunity.  It’s something that I will learn a million things from, not only educational but also life lessons that aren’t always available in a normal situation. 

Also I’m completely optimistic for tomorrow.  I know we can make a difference we just need everyone behind us all the way.  I don’t want to look back on this time and say I just sat back and watched it happen.  I want a clean conscious and say I’ve done every bit to help.

Which also links to wanting to see the world as it is, before it all changes.  I’m so thankful for this opportunity… but I do believe to a certain extent we can make our own opportunities every day.

 

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Girl going to Argentina.

x.

Girl making it matter.

Sunday 5^th October 2008.

 

What is it exactly that matters?

Is it the way people act towards you, or the way you act towards people?

I know as much as the next person how nice it feels when someone says something nice about you.  But knowing that is surely why it’s so important to do it to other people.  Otherwise no one would ever experience that feeling.

By the same standards should we say the bad things to people?  Sometimes it’s just being rude, or to satisfy ourselves, but do we actually acknowledge how it makes other people feel?  Especially if they don’t mean to do the crime you’re blaming them for.

As nice as the feeling is of people being nice to you, we all need to learn to love the feeling of being nice towards someone else.

There are some people that are worth the compliments you give them, and you know who they are.  They’re different for everyone.  Isn’t it funny how you perceive compliments off different people?  Why is one person’s opinion so much more valuable than others?

When it comes down to it at the end of your life most the things that you worry about now and take up the most of your time won’t matter at all.  It all comes down to two things.

Have you experienced true joy in your life?

Have you brought true joy to the lives of others?

If you can’t answer those questions then was it all actually worth it?

 

Girl making it matter.

x.

Girl with a lot.

Saturday 4^th October 2008.

 

Sorry it’s late.

I had my friends round last night; people I’ve grown up with and slowly become dependant on.  A few years ago I didn’t know I’d be this close with them, but now I couldn’t imagine it any other way. 

I love the feeling that you can feel so comfortable with someone.  But what is it that deciphers whether you feel comfortable or not?  It can’t just be the fact I’ve known them for a long time, because there are a lot of people I’ve known for a long time, but I don’t feel comfortable around them.  I think it’s more likely to be the people themselves and the way they click with my personality. 

I’ve always got on with boys better than I do with girls.  Of course I have my times when I want to sit at home and have a girly night in, but the majority of the time I’d rather have the lads round too, purely because I have more fun when I’m with them too.

But talking about being friends with guys would imply I know how they think… I’m afraid not.  I can understand them when we’re friends… but as soon as I’m in a relationship or I like someone then all of that knowledge flies out the window and suddenly I don’t think rationally.  For that reason and that reason alone, guys annoy the hell out of me.  But if we knew everything about everyone then where would the fun be in that.

 

Personal:  don’t read these bulletins if they annoy you, but just because they annoy you doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.  I began writing them for me, and me only, but now I’ve found out a lot of other people enjoy them too.  So get over yourself and just ignore them if they annoy you that much.  But my guess is these don’t annoy you, it’s just your only current link to me that you can pick at.

 

A friend is a person who knows what you’re saying, even though you’re not talking.

Girl with a lot.

x.

 

Girl with plenty of evidence.

Frida​y 3rd Octob​er 2008.​

How is it that we diffe​renti​ate betwe​en frien​ds?​ Why is one bette​r than anoth​er?​ 
Today​ I’ve disco​vered​ that diffe​rent peopl​e find diffe​rent attri​butes​ impor​tant in a frien​d.​ Some merel​y need someo​ne to liste​n;​ some need someo​ne to talk with.​ Some want someo​ne to help them;​ some want someo​ne to help.​ There​ are no corre​ct crite​ria for a frien​d,​ as long as they fit yours​.​ 
But all of our needs​ chang​e from day to day, so how is it that the perso​n who liste​ned yeste​rday,​ can be the perso​n for you to talk with today​?​ I belie​ve that is what makes​ one bette​r than anoth​er.​ 
Someo​ne who knows​ how you’r​e feeli​ng just by the way you walk into a room is someo​ne you never​ want to walk out of that room.​ But by the same stand​ards a good frien​d is no use to you unles​s you are a good frien​d in retur​n.​ 
Can you have more than one best frien​d or does that defy the title​ of a best frien​d?​ 
Why in our life do we find it so imper​ative​ that we must have frien​ds?​ I know that I’d be lost witho​ut them.​ I am a lot close​r with some of my frien​ds than I am with my famil​y,​ and I would​n’t want it any other​ way.
I can’t​ write​ sophi​stica​ted enoug​h to even begin​ to put into words​ what it is a frien​d does to our lives​.​ I don’t​ have cleve​r witty​ quote​s or reels​ of descr​iptio​n of one. 
But I do have evide​nce,​ very stron​g evide​nce it is as well.​

Why does hot choco​late make you feel so good?​
Girl with plent​y of evide​nce.​
x.

Girl waiting to fall.

Thursday 2^nd October 2008.

 

Do people love too easily? … Or not enough? 

When people get together these days they seem to be madly in love, before they actually know each other.  Think of the last person you ‘loved’.  Do you know their favourite colour?  Their birthday?  Their most embarrassing moment?  In most circumstances the unfortunate answers to these questions is a reoccurring no. 

So why do we feel the need to fall in love with someone so quickly.  Is it because of the social pressure of being in a relationship?  It could also be linked to the way we grow up so soon and we’re just trying to impersonate an adult relationship.  Shouldn’t a teenage relationship be about spending time together, having fun, learning and growing together?  It shouldn’t be about going through life altering events and swearing our undying love towards each other, we have our whole lives for that. 

But on the other hand should love be something that is decided in an instant, or is that just lust disguised as love?

Just as people fall in love too easily these days, people fall out of it too; a lot more than they did years ago.  This would be apparent that maybe we don’t actually love as true as we once did. 

As frightening as it would be to spend your whole life with someone and for them to die and leave you alone.  Don’t you think it’d be a lot more frightening to not experience that?

I’m starting to truly believe in real love.  Not the love that my generation at the moment go through.  Because at the moment we’re still learning about ourselves, so how can we love someone who doesn’t even know who they are?  But that’s not to say that the future can’t bring something different…

I know that love isn’t in the same category as lust; in fact it’s quite an insult to put it there.  Love should be paired with companionship and contentment. 

 

Journeys begin when you meet love.

Girl waiting to fall.

x.

Girl having fun.

Wednesday 1^st October 2008.

 

White rabbits.

Some people are unbelievably oblivious to everyone else.  Why do they put so much effort into something that gives them nothing in return, and makes them look stupid in the process?  I know it’s something we all swear we’d never do, and then when it comes down to it we find ourselves following that forbidden path… but why do we let ourselves become so obsessed with other people that it ends up altering our original morals?

I can honestly put my hands up and say I’ve done it.  But now I’ve realised I’ve done it in the past I don’t think I’d fall onto that path again any where near as easily.  So what makes other people so different that they find themselves trundling along that path that has no end on more than one occasion? 

While the people in question are on that path, even though they’re so fixated on another person then become very selfish towards other people.  Obviously no one else matters.

I’m not going to say that they think they’re the centre of the universe, because I truly hate that saying.  In metaphorical terms everyone is the centre of their own life.  We might not all admit to it, but we certainly all know it. 

But then there are the people that do admit to thinking they’re the centre of their universe.  Like me.  I will admit I think that, but I also realise that everyone else does.  So I compromise a lot and acknowledge other people’s feelings… something a lot of people need to do a lot more.

That’s why oblivious people really do rub me up the wrong way.

 

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Girl having fun.

x.

Girl still young.

Tuesday 30^th September 2008

 

Grow up.

Yeah I guess we all have to do it some time, but it really is down to each and every one of us when and how we decide to do it.

Why rush ahead to grow up when we only get to be young once.  I know that right now I have the potential to do or become anything I want to be.  A lot of people know this.  Unfortunately they don’t realise that those privileges only come paired with hard work and success.  So then as the time goes on and they realise all they’re getting is what those of us who work hard leave behind it just causes bitterness.

Far too many good people get caught up in this endless cycle, those who once had that potential to do or become anything the too wanted to be.  It’s never too late to become something again… rather than being fixated on only being able to take, instead of giving.

Don’t become what you hate most.

Life’s what you make it.  Make it good.

 

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.

Girl still young.

x.

Girl wondering.

Monday 29^th September 2008

 

Whether anyone will admit it or not, our own happiness is our first priority.  So why do we depend on people’s opinions so strongly, when they usually end up making us miserable.

Everything I do in life I turn to those who surround me and ask for advice, even though I rarely follow it.  I know of a lot of people that do this, but why?  Why do it when we know that our own advice is usually the right one. 

Also, we spend a lot of time wondering about… everything.

If you ask me then wondering isn’t something you do when you don’t know something.  Most of the time we know exactly what it is we’re wondering about, it just takes us a while to recognise the answer.

What are you wondering about?

Think for a moment.

You do actually know the answer, if you’re true to yourself.

 

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasure of the other. – Jane Austen.

Girl wondering.

x.

 

Girl with thoughts.

Sunday 28th September 2008

I’ve spent the majority of today working.
It has got a bit tedious but overall I’d say I’ve had a pretty good day. Not because I’ve had masses of fun, but because I feel pretty damn good. Feeling of accomplishment.
What makes one person different from another?
What is it inside of us that would make one person stop and help, and let another walk on by without a second thought? We’re all born the same… aren’t we? So at what particular point does the change take place?
Is it when we’ve been objected to certain behaviour from another person and we merely follow suit.
I think the only conceivable answer to these questions is you. You are the only person that can make you act the way you do towards different circumstances.
It’s up to you which type of person you want to be. Chose your path, but don’t be afraid to turn off the track every now and then.

Create your own reason.
Girl with thoughts.
x.

Girl thinking too much.

Saturday 27th September 2008
A world full of opportunity.
Why can't everyone be appointed an important role to play? Some people do nothing in this world to help others, and yet get offered every helping hand along their way. Others never stop helping people, and yet no hand is offered in their direction. Who is it who creates these barriers? I can think of only one person. Us.
A world full of opportunity? How can that be true when it's not on offer to everyone.
We live in a diverse world, with so much we can teach each other. With all this knowledge within us, how can it be that the majority of us are oblivious to our cultural surroundings. No man can call himself educated if he hasn't acknowledged and understood the needs of others.We're all striving to get somewhere and become someone, but to do that we need to learn about everywhere and accept everyone.
For there's nothing more tragic than a lonely success.

Take the opportunity.
Girl thinking too much.
x.

My Summer...

Warwick University – IGGY Summer U

 

I can’t really put it into a few short paragraphs about the experience I had at Warwick University this summer, it would be like trying to explain colours to a blind person.  I was incredibly lucky to go to the IGGY Summer U with my best friend, so I can still talk about it with someone who actually understands me.  Coming home afterwards was one of the saddest days of my life.  Having to leave the people there, that you’ve only known for two weeks, was so much harder than the last day of school, leaving people I’d spent every day with for the last five years.  IGGY really opened my eyes to just how diverse the world really is and the opportunities that are available to me.

            I can’t even begin to describe to you how different it is when you’re there, compared to at home.  For a start you’re with people who all enjoy learning and want to be there.  During my time there I learnt, not just how to write, but how to be passionate about writing.  The tutors there were all amazing people that offered us a learning environment that schools just aren’t equipped to.  They listened to everything we said and took in into serious consideration.

            Living in such a close community with people I’d never met before was one of the best aspects of the course.  Most of the memories I have with me aren’t from the classes but from the people I spent my time with.  After spending only two weeks with those people I feel I am just as close, if not closer, with them that I am with some of my friends I’ve known for years.

            Since leaving IGGY there hasn’t been a day gone by that I haven’t heard from someone that I met there.  Everyone that went has repeatedly said that it was the best two weeks of their life… and I couldn’t agree more.  Nothing even comes close.  IGGY has changed me as a person completely and made me realise my full potential towards so many different aspects of my life.  There’s not a single thing I would want to change about my time there and I can’t wait to apply for next year.

           Name something amazing I did this summer; I taught an amazingly intelligent girl from Hon Kong what ‘Eye Spy’ was.

 

Girl with sore feet.

Thursday 25^th September 2008

 

It’s been an amazing day.  Spent partially with people I know through to the bone, partially with people I’ve never met before. 

I’m really starting to notice just how much bad people believe there to be in other people.  Why do people start out with the thought that people aren’t going to be what you want them to be?  If we all began with the intention of thinking the most of somebody then I think a lot more people would strive to fulfil that image you give them.  But the same applies to when you expect bad of someone; they just end up fulfilling that. 

I know that I can say that I love people as a complete generalisation.  I love the uncertainness of some, and the reliability of others.  I love not knowing what someone is going to teach me today. 

There’s not a single person out there without something interesting to say.  The only problem is that not enough people know and accept that.

So make sure you take the time to talk to someone, they might surprise you.  More often that not, it’s the people you thought you knew that end up surprising you the most.

 

Personal:  Bus journey and afternoon in town.

 

Sleep needed.

Girl with sore feet.

x.