Posts
Tuesday 26th October 2010.
Today's not been too bad considering I spent three hours travelling for a one hour lecture. But it's that nagging feeling inside that's having more of an effect on me.
People spend so much time worrying about what someone has said to them or how they said it. And work themselves up about what they actually meant. But I've learnt that what and how people say things is usually exactly what they mean. Nothing more nothing less.
It's when they say nothing that you need to worry.
Girl bored.
x.
Tuesday 26 October 2010
Sunday 17 October 2010
Monday 18th October 2010.
Monday 18th October 2010
I handed in my notice at work today. I still can't decide if it felt liberating or belittling. Is it good cause I've finally got to say 'up yours, I've found something better' or a bit demeaning because she made me feel that I wasn't good enough in the first place.
Either way it doesn't matter now. New things are ahead. I have started university, made new friends, new teachers, new work. But it's still nice to keep some of the old things. Old friends, old habits and old love.
It does make me feel a little bit silly saying old love. Especially on here, he's barely even mentioned - as since he's been in my life I've turned away from this blog. I guess I used this as a place to wallow on my life, and now I don't need a reason or a place to wallow at all. But nevertheless it does feel like old love. It's only been a year and three months, but it feels like I've known him forever, and as though he's known me.
I'm on my own tonight, which is very very occasional these days - but I guess pulling me out of what is now my normality, makes me see how much I could potentially lose. Everyone strives to find 'the one' or 'love', but we never stop to think about what to do with it once we've found it. Moan, bicker, fight. Why do we bother? We know that we're happy, and we don't want to lose it - yet still we continue. I suppose it sounds like we've had a fight. We haven't. It just makes me think that now I have the happiness I've always longed and hoped for it scares me at how easily it can all be taken away.
But then it's reassuring to know that, or at least to be pretty sure that he's here to stay, and so am I.
Sometimes we question the people that we love, but in this one circumstance in life it's better to take the back seat and just enjoy the ride. No questions asked.
Girl asking no questions.
x.
I handed in my notice at work today. I still can't decide if it felt liberating or belittling. Is it good cause I've finally got to say 'up yours, I've found something better' or a bit demeaning because she made me feel that I wasn't good enough in the first place.
Either way it doesn't matter now. New things are ahead. I have started university, made new friends, new teachers, new work. But it's still nice to keep some of the old things. Old friends, old habits and old love.
It does make me feel a little bit silly saying old love. Especially on here, he's barely even mentioned - as since he's been in my life I've turned away from this blog. I guess I used this as a place to wallow on my life, and now I don't need a reason or a place to wallow at all. But nevertheless it does feel like old love. It's only been a year and three months, but it feels like I've known him forever, and as though he's known me.
I'm on my own tonight, which is very very occasional these days - but I guess pulling me out of what is now my normality, makes me see how much I could potentially lose. Everyone strives to find 'the one' or 'love', but we never stop to think about what to do with it once we've found it. Moan, bicker, fight. Why do we bother? We know that we're happy, and we don't want to lose it - yet still we continue. I suppose it sounds like we've had a fight. We haven't. It just makes me think that now I have the happiness I've always longed and hoped for it scares me at how easily it can all be taken away.
But then it's reassuring to know that, or at least to be pretty sure that he's here to stay, and so am I.
Sometimes we question the people that we love, but in this one circumstance in life it's better to take the back seat and just enjoy the ride. No questions asked.
Girl asking no questions.
x.
Tuesday 6 July 2010
Girl realising.
Wednesday 7th July 2010
Well I guess it keeps getting longer between my blogs. I've just got the app for my phone so hopefully I'll clock in a little more.
I've been on my own tonight and got quite thoughtful. It's the anniversary of the London bombings today. I can't even imagine what today will bring for some people. How they lost their loved ones without getting to say their goodbyes. I wonder if everybody knew they were loved. I wonder how many regrets still lie in those undergrounds? I wonder if those thoughts still live inside of their family?
I know that the people I love mean the absolute world to me, and I'd do anything for each one of them. However, I've also learnt that the old tales are true. Someone else picks your family for you, and though we may not always agree with that choice it must have been made for a reason. I just wonder if it's to make me a stronger person, or whether to just prove that they're weak.
I guess everybody sees the world through different eyes and in a different light. That's what caused the 7/7 disaster. I know nothing will ever change people's views, I just hope one day we'll be able to understand one another. Because it's a sad moment when you realise not even your family try to understand you. We just have to hope for the rest of the world.
Girl realising.
x.
Well I guess it keeps getting longer between my blogs. I've just got the app for my phone so hopefully I'll clock in a little more.
I've been on my own tonight and got quite thoughtful. It's the anniversary of the London bombings today. I can't even imagine what today will bring for some people. How they lost their loved ones without getting to say their goodbyes. I wonder if everybody knew they were loved. I wonder how many regrets still lie in those undergrounds? I wonder if those thoughts still live inside of their family?
I know that the people I love mean the absolute world to me, and I'd do anything for each one of them. However, I've also learnt that the old tales are true. Someone else picks your family for you, and though we may not always agree with that choice it must have been made for a reason. I just wonder if it's to make me a stronger person, or whether to just prove that they're weak.
I guess everybody sees the world through different eyes and in a different light. That's what caused the 7/7 disaster. I know nothing will ever change people's views, I just hope one day we'll be able to understand one another. Because it's a sad moment when you realise not even your family try to understand you. We just have to hope for the rest of the world.
Girl realising.
x.
Monday 29 March 2010
Girl drawing.
Monday 29th March 2010
Just thought I'd upload a picture I've just drawn. It's the thing on my mind at the moment and I guess a picture says a thousand words.
Girl drawing.
x.
Just thought I'd upload a picture I've just drawn. It's the thing on my mind at the moment and I guess a picture says a thousand words.
Girl drawing.
x.
Monday 22 March 2010
Girl believing.
Monday 22nd March 2009.
So, it's been a while.
I honestly can't remember the last time I wrote this, I just know that around that time the only response I heard from it was negative. And it's never easy to write something that no one else believes in anymore.
But things have changed over the last year, mostly for the better. I've found the man of my dreams (for real this time as well I think!), moved house again and turned eighteen.
Just the other day I was talking to two of my best friends, and the topic got onto life after death. How many people believe in it I wonder? Well for years on end I've stood stubbornly against the idea, but simply over the last week I've been reconsidering it.
My brother told me a story of my favourite Aunt, who I used to write to quite frequently. She had bone cancer, and for ten years more than the doctors gave her she fought it. Her husband, Jim, looked after her and they lived together happily. Until, one day he had a stroke, and suddenly it became a lot more difficult. The following Easter Jim died, and I vividly remember seeing my Aunt waving at his coffin as it went. I wrote to her much more after this, and time after time she told me of how lonely she was. Then she became more sick as the New Year came and the day before she died she told the hospital staff that she was going on holiday, that Jim was taking her, and they were going to Paradise. She died the next day; Valentine's Day.
I do miss writing letters to her, and going to visit.
But, it's stories like that that I find incredibly hard not to believe in. I can honestly put my hand to my heart and say I can't believe in the Bible... but there are some other things I'm finding it difficult to do so with. And at the end of the day, if I were to believe that you can be with your loved ones after life and I'm wrong, I haven't lost anything - but I've gained a lifetime of hope and belief.
Goodbye, to a young girl who was full of life.
Sleep peacefully Tess.
Girl believing.
x.
So, it's been a while.
I honestly can't remember the last time I wrote this, I just know that around that time the only response I heard from it was negative. And it's never easy to write something that no one else believes in anymore.
But things have changed over the last year, mostly for the better. I've found the man of my dreams (for real this time as well I think!), moved house again and turned eighteen.
Just the other day I was talking to two of my best friends, and the topic got onto life after death. How many people believe in it I wonder? Well for years on end I've stood stubbornly against the idea, but simply over the last week I've been reconsidering it.
My brother told me a story of my favourite Aunt, who I used to write to quite frequently. She had bone cancer, and for ten years more than the doctors gave her she fought it. Her husband, Jim, looked after her and they lived together happily. Until, one day he had a stroke, and suddenly it became a lot more difficult. The following Easter Jim died, and I vividly remember seeing my Aunt waving at his coffin as it went. I wrote to her much more after this, and time after time she told me of how lonely she was. Then she became more sick as the New Year came and the day before she died she told the hospital staff that she was going on holiday, that Jim was taking her, and they were going to Paradise. She died the next day; Valentine's Day.
I do miss writing letters to her, and going to visit.
But, it's stories like that that I find incredibly hard not to believe in. I can honestly put my hand to my heart and say I can't believe in the Bible... but there are some other things I'm finding it difficult to do so with. And at the end of the day, if I were to believe that you can be with your loved ones after life and I'm wrong, I haven't lost anything - but I've gained a lifetime of hope and belief.
Goodbye, to a young girl who was full of life.
Sleep peacefully Tess.
Girl believing.
x.
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