Girl immune.

Friday 31st October 2008.

Happy Halloween.
I feel like I should feel... something, anything. But I don't.
There's so much going on right now, everything's completely messed up, and yet I can't hate anyone, I can't love them, or empathise. People I've spent so long hating I suddenly just don't care.
I'm scared of the fact that I just don't feel. Right now I should be so angry, or upset, or anything... but not nothing.
I don't feel like anything, but I'm so worried about how I make other people feel. I don't want to hurt or upset anyone. It's ok to upset yourself because you can control the blame. If you upset someone else you have no control over how they feel. Therefore it's sometimes to just let yourself be upset, especially if you don't actually feel it.

I want someone or something to make me feel.
Girl immune.
x.

Girl lost.

Thursday 30th October 2008.

Next week by the looks of it.
If you'd have spoken to me a month ago and asked me where I thought I'd be, my answer would have been anywhere but here. I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going, or where I'll end up. In more ways than one.
Questions have been answered, and several more have doubled up in their place. There really is never an end to drama and the way life pans out.
I've learnt a lot, mostly things people could have told me straight away if only I'd have asked. Sometimes you have to figure things out for yourself.

It's as simple or complicated as you make it.
Girl lost.
x.

Girl with numb feet.

Wednesday 29th October 2008.

I love days that take a mind of their own. Where you end up somewhere that you never even imagined at the start of the day.
There's one thing better than a surprise... a nice one.
Looking back on this evening it's quite amusing how quickly it went. Doing absolutely nothing, you'd think would be incredibly boring. Aparently not. I was tired, I was cold, I was mildly hungry - and I was happy.
What a lovely feeling.
So cold, yet I'm completely warming up for more reasons than one.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you'd left open.
Girl with numb feet.
x.

Girl doing crazy things.

Tuesday 28th October 2008.

The ongoing game. It's about to change our lives, whether it be seriously or just makes them that little bit more entertaining.
It's all about making life more spontaneous and push us to our limits. Things we never thought we'd be able to do, things we probably don't want to do... but then again our friends always know the best don't they. Don't they.
I guess it just gives us an excuse to do crazy things.
So there's the Winter Challenge, during which...
I DARE you!

It's no time for ease and comfort. It's time to dare and endure.
Girl doing crazy things.
x.

Girl looking forward to Her life.

Monday 27th October 2008.


It never ceases to amaze me just how time does 'fly by'.

We all make a point of only having one life so we must make the most of it while we can. Although I'm really not sure just how true this is to be honest. I'm only sixteen years old, and already I feel like I've had a few different lives.

I've had the perfect life. Living in a pretty little house, with a pretty little family and having pretty little problems... which turned out to be not so pretty. But it could be looked upon that the most pretty things have the most subtle beauty.

Then there's the fun stage of my life, where I wasn't a teenager but I acted more like one then than I do now.

Then there's the most joyous life I've led so far...Oh I do love to be sarcastic.

So when we say time flies, it really does. Because in sixteen years I've led a few different lives, all of which have made me the person I am today.

I wouldn't change anyone in my life so far, or anything that's happened. I haven't enjoyed it all, but there have been some parts I have. And for everything amazing that happens and every break you're given you have to go through the bad.


Been through and still smiling.

Girl looking forward to Her life.

x.

Girl who's learnt a lot.

Sunday 26th October 2008.

We all make mistakes every day of our life and sometimes it's hard to admit defeat. Usually the most substantial mistakes are those that we refuse to admit to.
I know when I do things wrong, I'm usually first to point it out... and as most of you know I'll usually point out when someone else has made a mistake too. It's an unfortunate habbit of mine. Sorry.
The one thing that really winds me up though is when someone repeatedly makes the same mistake, one that doesn't actually have an effect on them but alters situations for everyone else around them, and then never accepts the blame.
It's been said that the best way we learn is from our mistakes. I sincerely believe this. However it must be impossible to learn from experience if you are always completely and utterly oblivious to the actual mistakes you make.
Next time you make a mistake just put your hands up and admit it, then see wehre you're going to go from there. If not you'll just get stuck in a never ending circle.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard
Girl who's learnt a lot.
x.

Girl scared to risk it.

Saturday 25th October 2008.

Something's been playing on my mind a lot today. So much so that I can't even decipher a beginning or an end to my thoughts.
I feel like I want something too much. Something that's completely out of reach.
I've been looking through a clouded window for a while and telling myself it could happen. It's time I cleaned it all and looked at the real life rather than living in the hope inside my head.
But is doing that going against what I really believe in? I think we should be able to run a life on hopes and dreams. They may not come true but it's better to believe they might than just settle with being unhappy.
I still have no idea what to do though.

Be happy with what you've got... or take the risk for what you want?
Girl scared to risk it.
x.

Girl wanting to go back.

Wednesday 22nd October 2008.
Thursday 23rd October 2008.
Friday 24th October 2008.

Three days and three nights spent with some of my favourite people in the whole world. It wasn’t a spectacular place, in fact quite far from it, however I wouldn’t have changed a moment of it.
It just goes to show that you can be anywhere in the world, and it won’t matter in the slightest. You can see the sights from the top of the pyramids and take the photos prove the memories, but the memories that you don’t need to prove to anyone are the most powerful of all.
The amazing sights in the world will always be spectacular but surely it’s the sights that everyone sees all the time, and yet you can still make them beautiful that are the most valuable of all.
Every one of my friends leads a different life away from me, and I lead one on my own too, but my favourite life is without a doubt when I’m spending time with them and being the person that I feel the most comfortable to be.
We could spend all the money in the world to create the perfect destination, but when it comes down to it it’d never be able to hold any of the perfection that your friends can create.

Getting dolled up to go nowhere special.
The sea in October gorgeously cold.
Teacher dodging.
Borrowing toothpaste.
Too sweet tea.
Early mornings.
Sausage sandwiches.
Wizard of Oz.
Lala Lulu.
High ropes.
Swimming.
Rabbits.
Three in a bed.
Diet coke.
Boys with tidy rooms... then there’s ours.
Sluts.
Sandcastles.
Love Shack.
Just do it.
Stealing socks.
Everything hurts.
Friends.

Friends are always worth the trouble.
Girl wanting to go back.
x.

Girl considering the value.

Tuesday 21st October 2008.

There are some people that think so highly of themselves, but take no time to consider just how valuable other people are.
I’m not going to lie, I love myself. If you can’t love yourself then what hope have you got? The problem occurs when people love themselves more than they do other people. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss someone, try to help someone or put myself out for someone else. It wouldn’t be a worthy day otherwise.
We could all spend our days trying to keep ourselves happy, but wouldn’t a day be better spent trying to make other people happy? Don’t worry about other people ridiculing you for it, you’ll realise that when it comes down to it people will give you a lot more respect for it.
Try it out sometime, you’ll be surprised how easy it is.

Spread the love.
Girl considering the value.
x.

Girl annoyed.

Monday 20th October 2008.

There’s times when you need to adjust to a situation on your own. People may offer their help and advice, but you have to accept it yourself before any of this is actually worth a thing.
But how long can you go alone?
The main question is, are we made to cope alone? Or do we operate better when surrounded by other people?
The fact of the matter is that when we don’t include other people in our life, because we think we can manage on our own, there is only one person who it really affects. The other people. When people can’t help it makes them feel inadequate, even if you really don’t need their help.
So sometimes, even if you don’t need to, include other people. You might be the one who needs help, but by asking for it you actually help people in a way that is indefinable.

Home is any four walls that encloses the right people.
Girl annoyed.
x.

Girl waiting for a message.

Sunday 19th October 2008.

People say that my blogs are confusing and no one can ever understand what they actually mean. I’m perfectly willing to hold my hands up and admit that I want them to be that way. That way it only allows the people really close to me and who know me well to actually know what I’m going on about. It keeps me safe.
However, how can people make that judgement of my blogs when they themselves are unbelievably confusing?
I’ve decided it’s probably not worth the hassle of trying to work out. If there’s a message there that’s actually willing to be found out then it will show its face some time or another. If it doesn’t show its face then there’s obviously no point in spending your time pondering aimlessly over it.

It’s as simple or as complicated as you make it.
Girl waiting for a message.
x.

Girl Stumbling.

Saturday 18th October 2008.

What is it that makes a good writer?
Is it someone who makes the correct choices in the way they word things? Or someone who never makes a mistake? Or someone that knows the meaning of every long word? Or is it someone who stumbles over their words, makes a few mistakes along the way and takes a few wild guesses sometimes?
There are the amazing writers of all time that are household names; Shakespeare, Austen, Dickens... We can all analyse their writing to death and discover meanings in their work that they probably didn’t even realise were there, but is that what writing is really about?
Shouldn’t writing be there to express yourself and maybe entertain one or two people a long the way. It’s to get a message out of your heart and into the minds of other people. It isn’t to get scrutinised to the fine core until there’s no passion left.

Writing should come from the heart, not from the brain.
Girl stumbling.
x.

Girl very thankful.

Friday 17th October 2008.


Courage,
It can't be just about doing something you're scared of, that simply makes you a brave person.
If you have nothing to lose in the first place then how can you be classed as brave?
I've met a few people in my time who have shown true courage. They've done things that might not necessarily benefit them directly, but they know that it will help other people. This in my opinion is true courage.

They've noted that they might lose everything that they know, but for their life to move forwards then action must be taken. It's never an easy decision to make, and it might not appear the right one at the time, but it always turns out for the best.

The two people who I look to for everything have both given me life long lessons in this subject, and I'm so thankful to them. I might not have appriciated it at the time, but I can publically thank them completely now.

I hope I can have courage like that some day.


Just because it's not easier doesn't mean it's not better.

Girl very thankful.

x.

Girl in a house.

Thursday 16th October 2008.

When I’m older I want to have one thing in particular more than anything else... a home. I can’t even try to explain why, because I find it hard to grasp, exactly a home is so important to me.
They say that you can’t miss something you never had, but what if you did have it and then it was taken away? It doesn’t make you a weaker person for losing something; in fact I think quite the opposite. If you know what you’ve lost then surely it can only make you want to work harder to regain it again.
For a house to be a home it has to be filled with love and passion. It almost doesn’t matter what the passion is directed at; whether it be each other or towards an ambitious dream, as long as it is there. As for the love, that has to be distributed between every member... not only the members but they have to love their house as well.
A house only becomes a home when it’s been filled with memories and moments. It most certainly isn’t the furnishings and decor that will make you feel at home. Homes are like people; they can look like anything on the outside, but it’s only when you learn about the inside that you can really make an honest decision.
When I get a house of my own it’ll be a small one, not big, but just big enough. It’d be better to have one a big too small than a bit too big. In big houses people just live around each other, not with each other, that is almost as tragic as just living on your own.

A house is built with boards and beams. A home is built with love and dreams.
Girl in a house.
x.

Girl given the wrong name.

Tuesday 14th October 2008.

People seem to try their hardest to make me feel inadequate all the time. Too often.
Most of the time it’s the people that should be there for me, to help and teach me every step of the way. Like many things they never actually seem to be there when you need them, they just appear afterwards to claim that they’ve always been there for you. I did discuss this with some friends earlier, and then it’s just been put into action this afternoon.
One person in particular has been in this position for about five years now. She’s had so many opportunities to help me, and never once stepped up to the challenge. Instead she always rises for the chance to put me down. There’s only so long you can go on being told that you’re something before you start believing it. Then if you actually act like the person they’re always claiming you are why do they seem surprised and annoyed?
Someone asked me today who I wished I’d never met. Her.

If one is given a name, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name. – A.A. Milne.
Girl given the wrong name.
x.

Girl looking for her North.

Sunday 12th October 2008.

What makes you fall for one person and not another? There are the obvious things that attract us to a person, but then there are the differences in each of us that pull towards a different North.
What makes one person attractive to me, but not to you? What ever it is I guess we should all be thankful for it because it gives each and every one of us a special beauty, which belongs to only us.
Also why do we decide if we’re attracted to someone by looking at them? The looks will only be there for a small portion of our life spent with them; they won’t look like that in a morning, or after a good night out or after a hard day at work... but they’ll always keep the same personality, sense of humour and manners.
Being the apparent most intelligent animals on the Earth you’d think we’d have sussed it out by now that the good looking ones aren’t always the ones that will give us what we want. In fact it’s usually the complete opposite; they will only take what they want.
We should all be aware and honest that we do all spend our time looking for a partner; it’s not something to deny. However, when looking for one the looking part isn’t what will help you find them... all you actually need to do is listen.
Listen carefully; I’m certain there’s someone out there for everyone calling their name.

It only takes a second to say “I Love You” but a lifetime to show it.
Girl looking for her North.
x.

Girl giving advice on something she has no idea about.

Monday 13th October 2008.

There’s something that absolutely fascinates me. Why do girls dream up their ‘perfect’ way to be proposed to?
Everyone likes to be made to feel special. Flashy restaurant, rose on the table, soft music... but that’s just what the books and movies tell us is special. Anyone can save up to buy all of those things, but the gifts with expense behind them are actually worthless.
If you are about to marry someone then you’d need more than just the exposure.
In my opinion a far more ‘perfect’ way to be proposed to would be something that’s completely original, nothing extravagant and something that didn’t cost a penny.
If you empty your pockets to pay for that moment, then you will have the memories of how it all looked to last you a lifetime. If you do it without wanting to impress and just for the right reason, then you will have the memories of how it all felt... and they would last longer than a lifetime.

It’s the person, not the place.
Girl giving advice on something she has no idea about.
x.

Girl with a lonely hand.

Friday 10th October 2008.


Can you be just happy? Or does the fact that I placed the word 'just' before 'happy' imply that I'm going to find some substantial moral view that no, it couldn't possibly be ok to be 'just' happy.

Being happy is a common aspiration in every one of us, so when we experience it we often feel that nice warm feeling. It is nice, and it is warm... but only while it's there. That happiness is too easily snatched away from us, usually by the most uninvited hands.

So, is making ourselves happy really what we're all after? When we are happy we're really just lingering, too afraid to actually enjoy it, because we're waiting for it to be taken away by someone else who isn't happy. I think that we don't try to make ourselves happy at all, purely because of that feeling of it being snatched away too easily. For us to be truly happy we need someone to be there with us, to share the experience with, so that we know they won't risk losing their happiness either. Therefore ours is in two pairs of safe hands.

So, can you be just happy? I really don't think you can. To be happy there needs to be another person to stand with you. To be truly happy they have to hold your hand.


If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.

Girl with a lonely hand.

x.

Girl with a dream.

Thursday 9th October 2008.

Which is better; never being disappointed, or not having a dream?
Obviously to never meet disappointment would make you a very optimistic person, and if anything we all need a lot more of that in this world today. But if we didn’t experience disappointment then we wouldn’t truly understand the wonderful feeling of success either... and wouldn’t that be disappointing?
But to not have a dream... Well we could say we’d never cross paths with disappointment, but we wouldn’t have the ability to lose our selves some times. The only way to find yourself sometimes is to just lose yourself completely and utterly. Without dreaming we couldn’t aspire to reach not only your full potential but go that little bit further, even if it is just to surprise those around you. Without dreaming we wouldn’t ever actually go anywhere or discover new things.
So if you ask me, then disappointment and dreams, however opposing they are, actually always come hand in hand with each other. And I can’t see a time when it will ever be any different to that.
My biggest dream of all is to fulfil my dreams...

All dreams come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Girl with a dream.
x.

Girl in a big world.

Wednesday 8th October 2008.


Ok, so today didn't go quite to plan, but everything turned out for the better anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Some people today have made me really notice about how we all live completely wrapped up in our own little world completely careless to the worlds of others. I know some people are more prone to this than others but we can all be counted in this in some way or another. It's just never as obvious if your world's quite big. It's when you own world's small and you refuse to open it up a bit that it starts to cause conflict.
Today i was talking to a friend about how people moan about when their friends change when they've been in a relationship. This is unbelievably narrow minded to say it. When you think about it, yes, they have changed but it's impossible not to. The chances are that when they met you they changed too, because we all change all the time, and that isn't what causes the problems. It's when the people that surround you aren't invited to make the change with you or to just watch you change, that causes the problems. Which is understandable, no one likes to be intentionally or unintentionally left behind.So when you meet someone new be aware that the chances are you're going to change, but change can be good. Just make sure you don't leave people behind that you need, or more importantly the ones that need you.

Your priorities determine your progress.
Girl in a big world.
x.

Girl going to Argentina.

Tuesday 7^th October 2008.

 

Who knew what tomorrow could bring?

This time yesterday I wasn’t exactly feeling brilliant… but today!

There seems to be a light part way down the tunnel, it may not be the final solution but it’s definitely on the way.  It’s also a good mile stone for me too.

I’m being given a life changing opportunity.  It’s something that I will learn a million things from, not only educational but also life lessons that aren’t always available in a normal situation. 

Also I’m completely optimistic for tomorrow.  I know we can make a difference we just need everyone behind us all the way.  I don’t want to look back on this time and say I just sat back and watched it happen.  I want a clean conscious and say I’ve done every bit to help.

Which also links to wanting to see the world as it is, before it all changes.  I’m so thankful for this opportunity… but I do believe to a certain extent we can make our own opportunities every day.

 

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Girl going to Argentina.

x.

Girl making it matter.

Sunday 5^th October 2008.

 

What is it exactly that matters?

Is it the way people act towards you, or the way you act towards people?

I know as much as the next person how nice it feels when someone says something nice about you.  But knowing that is surely why it’s so important to do it to other people.  Otherwise no one would ever experience that feeling.

By the same standards should we say the bad things to people?  Sometimes it’s just being rude, or to satisfy ourselves, but do we actually acknowledge how it makes other people feel?  Especially if they don’t mean to do the crime you’re blaming them for.

As nice as the feeling is of people being nice to you, we all need to learn to love the feeling of being nice towards someone else.

There are some people that are worth the compliments you give them, and you know who they are.  They’re different for everyone.  Isn’t it funny how you perceive compliments off different people?  Why is one person’s opinion so much more valuable than others?

When it comes down to it at the end of your life most the things that you worry about now and take up the most of your time won’t matter at all.  It all comes down to two things.

Have you experienced true joy in your life?

Have you brought true joy to the lives of others?

If you can’t answer those questions then was it all actually worth it?

 

Girl making it matter.

x.

Girl with a lot.

Saturday 4^th October 2008.

 

Sorry it’s late.

I had my friends round last night; people I’ve grown up with and slowly become dependant on.  A few years ago I didn’t know I’d be this close with them, but now I couldn’t imagine it any other way. 

I love the feeling that you can feel so comfortable with someone.  But what is it that deciphers whether you feel comfortable or not?  It can’t just be the fact I’ve known them for a long time, because there are a lot of people I’ve known for a long time, but I don’t feel comfortable around them.  I think it’s more likely to be the people themselves and the way they click with my personality. 

I’ve always got on with boys better than I do with girls.  Of course I have my times when I want to sit at home and have a girly night in, but the majority of the time I’d rather have the lads round too, purely because I have more fun when I’m with them too.

But talking about being friends with guys would imply I know how they think… I’m afraid not.  I can understand them when we’re friends… but as soon as I’m in a relationship or I like someone then all of that knowledge flies out the window and suddenly I don’t think rationally.  For that reason and that reason alone, guys annoy the hell out of me.  But if we knew everything about everyone then where would the fun be in that.

 

Personal:  don’t read these bulletins if they annoy you, but just because they annoy you doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.  I began writing them for me, and me only, but now I’ve found out a lot of other people enjoy them too.  So get over yourself and just ignore them if they annoy you that much.  But my guess is these don’t annoy you, it’s just your only current link to me that you can pick at.

 

A friend is a person who knows what you’re saying, even though you’re not talking.

Girl with a lot.

x.

 

Girl with plenty of evidence.

Frida​y 3rd Octob​er 2008.​

How is it that we diffe​renti​ate betwe​en frien​ds?​ Why is one bette​r than anoth​er?​ 
Today​ I’ve disco​vered​ that diffe​rent peopl​e find diffe​rent attri​butes​ impor​tant in a frien​d.​ Some merel​y need someo​ne to liste​n;​ some need someo​ne to talk with.​ Some want someo​ne to help them;​ some want someo​ne to help.​ There​ are no corre​ct crite​ria for a frien​d,​ as long as they fit yours​.​ 
But all of our needs​ chang​e from day to day, so how is it that the perso​n who liste​ned yeste​rday,​ can be the perso​n for you to talk with today​?​ I belie​ve that is what makes​ one bette​r than anoth​er.​ 
Someo​ne who knows​ how you’r​e feeli​ng just by the way you walk into a room is someo​ne you never​ want to walk out of that room.​ But by the same stand​ards a good frien​d is no use to you unles​s you are a good frien​d in retur​n.​ 
Can you have more than one best frien​d or does that defy the title​ of a best frien​d?​ 
Why in our life do we find it so imper​ative​ that we must have frien​ds?​ I know that I’d be lost witho​ut them.​ I am a lot close​r with some of my frien​ds than I am with my famil​y,​ and I would​n’t want it any other​ way.
I can’t​ write​ sophi​stica​ted enoug​h to even begin​ to put into words​ what it is a frien​d does to our lives​.​ I don’t​ have cleve​r witty​ quote​s or reels​ of descr​iptio​n of one. 
But I do have evide​nce,​ very stron​g evide​nce it is as well.​

Why does hot choco​late make you feel so good?​
Girl with plent​y of evide​nce.​
x.

Girl waiting to fall.

Thursday 2^nd October 2008.

 

Do people love too easily? … Or not enough? 

When people get together these days they seem to be madly in love, before they actually know each other.  Think of the last person you ‘loved’.  Do you know their favourite colour?  Their birthday?  Their most embarrassing moment?  In most circumstances the unfortunate answers to these questions is a reoccurring no. 

So why do we feel the need to fall in love with someone so quickly.  Is it because of the social pressure of being in a relationship?  It could also be linked to the way we grow up so soon and we’re just trying to impersonate an adult relationship.  Shouldn’t a teenage relationship be about spending time together, having fun, learning and growing together?  It shouldn’t be about going through life altering events and swearing our undying love towards each other, we have our whole lives for that. 

But on the other hand should love be something that is decided in an instant, or is that just lust disguised as love?

Just as people fall in love too easily these days, people fall out of it too; a lot more than they did years ago.  This would be apparent that maybe we don’t actually love as true as we once did. 

As frightening as it would be to spend your whole life with someone and for them to die and leave you alone.  Don’t you think it’d be a lot more frightening to not experience that?

I’m starting to truly believe in real love.  Not the love that my generation at the moment go through.  Because at the moment we’re still learning about ourselves, so how can we love someone who doesn’t even know who they are?  But that’s not to say that the future can’t bring something different…

I know that love isn’t in the same category as lust; in fact it’s quite an insult to put it there.  Love should be paired with companionship and contentment. 

 

Journeys begin when you meet love.

Girl waiting to fall.

x.

Girl having fun.

Wednesday 1^st October 2008.

 

White rabbits.

Some people are unbelievably oblivious to everyone else.  Why do they put so much effort into something that gives them nothing in return, and makes them look stupid in the process?  I know it’s something we all swear we’d never do, and then when it comes down to it we find ourselves following that forbidden path… but why do we let ourselves become so obsessed with other people that it ends up altering our original morals?

I can honestly put my hands up and say I’ve done it.  But now I’ve realised I’ve done it in the past I don’t think I’d fall onto that path again any where near as easily.  So what makes other people so different that they find themselves trundling along that path that has no end on more than one occasion? 

While the people in question are on that path, even though they’re so fixated on another person then become very selfish towards other people.  Obviously no one else matters.

I’m not going to say that they think they’re the centre of the universe, because I truly hate that saying.  In metaphorical terms everyone is the centre of their own life.  We might not all admit to it, but we certainly all know it. 

But then there are the people that do admit to thinking they’re the centre of their universe.  Like me.  I will admit I think that, but I also realise that everyone else does.  So I compromise a lot and acknowledge other people’s feelings… something a lot of people need to do a lot more.

That’s why oblivious people really do rub me up the wrong way.

 

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Girl having fun.

x.