Posts
Sunday 31st May 2009.
Well, well, well, what a weekend it has been! The weather is absolutely beautiful at the moment, and everyone seems to be in a good mood because of it.
I've spent the last two days in a friend's garden having the time of my life. I've come to a very important decision in my life... you are NEVER too old to have a bouncy castle, and they are ALWAYS fun.
Summer is all about barbeques, drinking, staying up until it's light again and friends. Summer would never be anything without the people you spend it with, and I can't wait to see what this one brings.
Isn't it strange how you never have two summers alike. Winters always seem to blend into one but summers, they're like mini life stories every year.
What will your chapter be this year?
Girl ready for summer.
x.
Sunday 31 May 2009
Tuesday 26 May 2009
Girl had an amazing week.
Tuesday 26th May 2009.
So it's been a few days, and I'd like to say I've been raced off my feet... but I just haven't.
In fact plenty has happened for me to write a blog about, I just haven't.
The beauty of study leave when you have early exams is that you have an extra random two weeks to have fun and have no burdens of work at all. So I've been taking advantage of that and been shopping, clubbing and having a lot of fun.
It still makes me smile that the UK are confident in their laws of the age of eighteen before you can drink alcohol. But in realistic terms, find me a seventeen year old that doesn't know a corner shop where they can get served or a bar or a club. And even though this breaks the law and almost shows that the country as a whole have failed at something, it's also kind of reassuing. It's nice to know that the rules are there but people as a whole still know when it's ok to break them.
I love the fact that when you're younger you have sleepovers with your couins, then you get a little older and your parents let you have your friends to stay over, then you get a little older still and you're allowed a few friends all at once, then you get past that limit and the opposite sex are allowed across the boundaries. I think you can tell when you aren't childish anymore when you always seem to have more fun when it's guys and girls together.
Don't get me wrong I love my girls, but fun is always so much more when there's everyone. Maybe that links to the fact that I love spontanaeity. Because with girls you always kind of know what's going to happen, whereas when everyone's together every night is different - but always guarenteed fun.
Are all men the same?
Girl had an amazing week.
x.
So it's been a few days, and I'd like to say I've been raced off my feet... but I just haven't.
In fact plenty has happened for me to write a blog about, I just haven't.
The beauty of study leave when you have early exams is that you have an extra random two weeks to have fun and have no burdens of work at all. So I've been taking advantage of that and been shopping, clubbing and having a lot of fun.
It still makes me smile that the UK are confident in their laws of the age of eighteen before you can drink alcohol. But in realistic terms, find me a seventeen year old that doesn't know a corner shop where they can get served or a bar or a club. And even though this breaks the law and almost shows that the country as a whole have failed at something, it's also kind of reassuing. It's nice to know that the rules are there but people as a whole still know when it's ok to break them.
I love the fact that when you're younger you have sleepovers with your couins, then you get a little older and your parents let you have your friends to stay over, then you get a little older still and you're allowed a few friends all at once, then you get past that limit and the opposite sex are allowed across the boundaries. I think you can tell when you aren't childish anymore when you always seem to have more fun when it's guys and girls together.
Don't get me wrong I love my girls, but fun is always so much more when there's everyone. Maybe that links to the fact that I love spontanaeity. Because with girls you always kind of know what's going to happen, whereas when everyone's together every night is different - but always guarenteed fun.
Are all men the same?
Girl had an amazing week.
x.
Monday 18 May 2009
Girl being childish aparently.
Monday 18th May 2009.
3 hour long Critical Thinking exams are suicidal.
When did one thing mean something else?
Imagine a smile being bad
Or a kiss meaning hate.
Imagine a war of peace
Or even a silent song.
Imagine imagine as fact
And questions being the answers.
Imagine the truth
Only being lies.
Imagine never being able to understand
The people you know best.
Imaigine everything you're good at -
Being your weakness.
Imagine a cruel world
I see nothing different in that.
Girl being childish aparently.
x.
3 hour long Critical Thinking exams are suicidal.
When did one thing mean something else?
Imagine a smile being bad
Or a kiss meaning hate.
Imagine a war of peace
Or even a silent song.
Imagine imagine as fact
And questions being the answers.
Imagine the truth
Only being lies.
Imagine never being able to understand
The people you know best.
Imaigine everything you're good at -
Being your weakness.
Imagine a cruel world
I see nothing different in that.
Girl being childish aparently.
x.
Saturday 16 May 2009
Girl the latest joke.
Saturday 16th May 2009.
When did I become such a joke?
When did it become ok to let Carly think you like her, wait until she seems to like you back and then just walk. Why does everyone do that?... Just walk away?
If this is what it's always going to be like then I just give up now, cause it's really not worth the hassle. Not when people are capable of turning you against yourself. How do they do it?
Why do I do it? Why do I let them? Maybe because I don't know how not to. No one's ever told me how.
Who said these are meant to be the best years of your life? If you ask me they seem pretty damned hard, and I'm running out of steam.
The sole main people who are supposed to be here for me... aren't. They're reliving their own lives. While I'm still trying to start mine.
I'm losing sight of why I'm doing any of this anymore. Why the exams? Why the worrying about uni? Does it actually matter?
Cause right now all I want to do is get as far away from here as possible. Because there's too many people around here that've hurt me lately, and I don't want to have to keep being reminded of them anymore.
Girl the latest joke.
x.
When did I become such a joke?
When did it become ok to let Carly think you like her, wait until she seems to like you back and then just walk. Why does everyone do that?... Just walk away?
If this is what it's always going to be like then I just give up now, cause it's really not worth the hassle. Not when people are capable of turning you against yourself. How do they do it?
Why do I do it? Why do I let them? Maybe because I don't know how not to. No one's ever told me how.
Who said these are meant to be the best years of your life? If you ask me they seem pretty damned hard, and I'm running out of steam.
The sole main people who are supposed to be here for me... aren't. They're reliving their own lives. While I'm still trying to start mine.
I'm losing sight of why I'm doing any of this anymore. Why the exams? Why the worrying about uni? Does it actually matter?
Cause right now all I want to do is get as far away from here as possible. Because there's too many people around here that've hurt me lately, and I don't want to have to keep being reminded of them anymore.
Girl the latest joke.
x.
Girl used.
Saturday 16th May 2009.
Ever fainted in an exam?
Try your best not to, it really kind of messes things up.
Isn't it strange how an average day can take such a downhill turn? How 'that guy' can turn out to be just the same as every other guy, or maybe even worse.
I never can understand how someone can outright lie to you for weeks, then not even own up to it and acknowledge their mistakes. What a small person.
Why would someone deliberately set out to hurt someone else and not even show an inkling of consideration in their direction afterwards?
I guess we all try to fool ourself with our opinions of people. I know I always ignore the bad things that are quite clear to everyone else, but it just seems like a much nicer way to see the world.
Should it change? Should I look for the worst in people and be surprised if and when they change my mind about them? Or keep looking for the good parts and take yet another knock when they prove me wrong?
It seems you can't trust anyone, more often than not the people that you thought you could.
And the worst of all is people say "oh they're men" as the excuse. Well I'm sorry but that's absolutely terrible. If that's the case then it means it's been accepted that half of the world's population is allowed to act without regard for anyone else, while the other half just have to sit back and accept it. Well whoever allowed this to be the way the world works was a joke to the rest of us.
I just honestly can't understand how someone could set out with such an intent to do that... and then refuse to even talk to me about it.
Amazing how quickly respect drops away from the seams of a person.
Should have seen what was there and not some holy light.
Girl used.
x.
Ever fainted in an exam?
Try your best not to, it really kind of messes things up.
Isn't it strange how an average day can take such a downhill turn? How 'that guy' can turn out to be just the same as every other guy, or maybe even worse.
I never can understand how someone can outright lie to you for weeks, then not even own up to it and acknowledge their mistakes. What a small person.
Why would someone deliberately set out to hurt someone else and not even show an inkling of consideration in their direction afterwards?
I guess we all try to fool ourself with our opinions of people. I know I always ignore the bad things that are quite clear to everyone else, but it just seems like a much nicer way to see the world.
Should it change? Should I look for the worst in people and be surprised if and when they change my mind about them? Or keep looking for the good parts and take yet another knock when they prove me wrong?
It seems you can't trust anyone, more often than not the people that you thought you could.
And the worst of all is people say "oh they're men" as the excuse. Well I'm sorry but that's absolutely terrible. If that's the case then it means it's been accepted that half of the world's population is allowed to act without regard for anyone else, while the other half just have to sit back and accept it. Well whoever allowed this to be the way the world works was a joke to the rest of us.
I just honestly can't understand how someone could set out with such an intent to do that... and then refuse to even talk to me about it.
Amazing how quickly respect drops away from the seams of a person.
Should have seen what was there and not some holy light.
Girl used.
x.
Thursday 14 May 2009
Girl feeling ill.
Thursday 14th May 2009.
I'm not sure I've ever felt this ill before. I did have the flu a couple of years ago that was pretty bad I suppose, but this is just something else.
I woke up this morning and felt so hot and dizzy, then all day I've been too hot then too cold, with a headache to go with it. Never good, even worse when you're trying to study for two big exams tomorrow!
I do always seem to have bad timing.
Anyway, I'm going to see if I can get any revision done at all.
Girl feeling ill.
x.
I'm not sure I've ever felt this ill before. I did have the flu a couple of years ago that was pretty bad I suppose, but this is just something else.
I woke up this morning and felt so hot and dizzy, then all day I've been too hot then too cold, with a headache to go with it. Never good, even worse when you're trying to study for two big exams tomorrow!
I do always seem to have bad timing.
Anyway, I'm going to see if I can get any revision done at all.
Girl feeling ill.
x.
Wednesday 13 May 2009
Girl revising.
Wednesday 13th May 2009.
Daniel's Birthday.
The first day of my exams, and my god has it been a long one!
I have one hugely nagging question though... why on earth do exam invidulators wear high heeled shoes and then walk around on their tip toes for the entire exam - why not just wear flat shoes with rubber soles?!
Sorry, but I had to get that one off my chest, it's been irritating me all day.
After however many years of exams I've been doing now I've finally realised something that's probably been vital all along. Revision actually pays off. I've spent the majority of this week doing overload revision sessions, and I actually felt confident about most of the questions. Knowing my luck though I'll still probably only just about scrape a C.
My brother's birthday meal tonight. Quite a nice success. Although I had one of the strangest experiences of my life. I went to the toilet... and there was a CD playing teaching me spanish!!! As expected I washed my hands as quickly as I could and made my escape.
Right now the only annoying thing (obviously other than the stress of exams and coursework deadlines) is that I wind myself up too easily about silly little things. I keep hypoanalysing things that people probably don't even mean to do or notice that they're doing. And within a couple of minutes I've come up with a really farfetched story.
And the most worrying thing about it is that I know I'm not the only one who does this. You can't tell me you've never come up with a catastrophic story just from a little suggestion of something...
Girl revising.
x.
Daniel's Birthday.
The first day of my exams, and my god has it been a long one!
I have one hugely nagging question though... why on earth do exam invidulators wear high heeled shoes and then walk around on their tip toes for the entire exam - why not just wear flat shoes with rubber soles?!
Sorry, but I had to get that one off my chest, it's been irritating me all day.
After however many years of exams I've been doing now I've finally realised something that's probably been vital all along. Revision actually pays off. I've spent the majority of this week doing overload revision sessions, and I actually felt confident about most of the questions. Knowing my luck though I'll still probably only just about scrape a C.
My brother's birthday meal tonight. Quite a nice success. Although I had one of the strangest experiences of my life. I went to the toilet... and there was a CD playing teaching me spanish!!! As expected I washed my hands as quickly as I could and made my escape.
Right now the only annoying thing (obviously other than the stress of exams and coursework deadlines) is that I wind myself up too easily about silly little things. I keep hypoanalysing things that people probably don't even mean to do or notice that they're doing. And within a couple of minutes I've come up with a really farfetched story.
And the most worrying thing about it is that I know I'm not the only one who does this. You can't tell me you've never come up with a catastrophic story just from a little suggestion of something...
Girl revising.
x.
Monday 11 May 2009
Girl creating.
Monday 11th May 2009.
A night complete of just drawing. That probably shouldn't be the case two days before a big exam, and when I have english coursework in, and my art exam work... but hey! I've also realised I've never put any of my art work up on here, which seems strange because it's such a big part of my life.
For ages now I've been set on going to university to study English and writing, of some sorts, but for the last week or so I've been thinking of combining it with art. I'm not certain about it yet, but it's definitely creeping up in the possibilities.
Also the landlord of the flat has agreed to let me paint my room! So I know how I'll be spending the next few weeks.
Any great ideas for a mural?
Anyhow here's the drawings I've been doing tonight:
Hope you like them. I don't actually do that much in one night normally, but I've been feeling particularly arty tonight.
A picture can say a thousand words.
Girl creating.
x.
A night complete of just drawing. That probably shouldn't be the case two days before a big exam, and when I have english coursework in, and my art exam work... but hey! I've also realised I've never put any of my art work up on here, which seems strange because it's such a big part of my life.
For ages now I've been set on going to university to study English and writing, of some sorts, but for the last week or so I've been thinking of combining it with art. I'm not certain about it yet, but it's definitely creeping up in the possibilities.
Also the landlord of the flat has agreed to let me paint my room! So I know how I'll be spending the next few weeks.
Any great ideas for a mural?
Anyhow here's the drawings I've been doing tonight:
Hope you like them. I don't actually do that much in one night normally, but I've been feeling particularly arty tonight.
A picture can say a thousand words.
Girl creating.
x.
Sunday 10 May 2009
Girl hoping for the real success.
Sunday 10th May 2009.
A pretty damn good weekend. Haven't done anything substantial. Haven't saved the world yet. Haven't done a particularly good deed. Haven't even done anything amazingly creative. But good nevertheless.
Everyone tries to do something magnificent with their life, and make their own personal stamp on the world. But is that what we should all strive to achieve? Is getting your name in a star slab, or in the guiness book of world records, or a nobel peace prize really what marks whether we've succeeded or not?
Surely we should measure the success of our life with whether we've made an impact on anyone's life. Whether when we go there will be someone left behind who wouldn't be where they are without the aid of you.
So however important Saving-The-World seems to me, and I know I want to 'succeed' in so many different ways, there is only one thing I really want out of life more than anything else, and I think everyone will agree.
I want someone to say they couldn't have lived without me.
It might be a tall order, but I know that every single person wants nothing less than this from their life.
Yes we all want the house, the car, the holidays, the job, the memories... but it doesn't add up to anything unless you had someone to share it all with.
Girl hoping for the real success.
x.
A pretty damn good weekend. Haven't done anything substantial. Haven't saved the world yet. Haven't done a particularly good deed. Haven't even done anything amazingly creative. But good nevertheless.
Everyone tries to do something magnificent with their life, and make their own personal stamp on the world. But is that what we should all strive to achieve? Is getting your name in a star slab, or in the guiness book of world records, or a nobel peace prize really what marks whether we've succeeded or not?
Surely we should measure the success of our life with whether we've made an impact on anyone's life. Whether when we go there will be someone left behind who wouldn't be where they are without the aid of you.
So however important Saving-The-World seems to me, and I know I want to 'succeed' in so many different ways, there is only one thing I really want out of life more than anything else, and I think everyone will agree.
I want someone to say they couldn't have lived without me.
It might be a tall order, but I know that every single person wants nothing less than this from their life.
Yes we all want the house, the car, the holidays, the job, the memories... but it doesn't add up to anything unless you had someone to share it all with.
Girl hoping for the real success.
x.
Tuesday 5 May 2009
Girl believing in fairies.
Tuesday 5th May 2009.
I've just met Derren Brown. Had tickets to see him for months now, and tonight was the night. His shows are absolutely spectacular they really are.
I'm not one of those people that believe in ghosts and spirits and all that malarky, but his stuff really does make you question yourself.
When things like that are brought before us it does test our own judgement, not only on the world around us but on how we see ourselves in it. Is it magic? Or is it just a very clever man, who knows a lot of clever tricks?
The truth of the matter is that it simply doesn't matter.
If you know me well then you'd know that one of my favourite words is 'Believe'.
I'm not religious or anything like that I'm afraid to say. However I do love the idea of it. There's so much more to religion than believing the world was made in seven days. The one thing I wish I could bring into my life is the faith that is paired with religion. Sometimes it doesn't really matter what you believe in, as long as there's something.
Derren Brown's tricks. They are simply just that, and I'm not going to preach that he's psychic and has special powers or anything like that. But at the same time, I have no desire to know the workings of his act. There are some things that are better to be naive about.
Remember when you found out that the coin from behind your ear was actually in their hand all along... oh the dissapointment.
Whereas if you never know, then you can always believe.
It almost doesn't matter what you believe in; be it a dream, a wish, a God, a person or yourself. Make sure there's something. And when you do believe in it, don't tip toe around it. There's no point believing in something unless you put every ounce of your faith into it. If you believe in it then who is anyone else to tell you it's not real?
I believe.
I believe in you.
Children should believe in Santa Claus for as long as they possibly can.
Girl believing in fairies.
x.
I've just met Derren Brown. Had tickets to see him for months now, and tonight was the night. His shows are absolutely spectacular they really are.
I'm not one of those people that believe in ghosts and spirits and all that malarky, but his stuff really does make you question yourself.
When things like that are brought before us it does test our own judgement, not only on the world around us but on how we see ourselves in it. Is it magic? Or is it just a very clever man, who knows a lot of clever tricks?
The truth of the matter is that it simply doesn't matter.
If you know me well then you'd know that one of my favourite words is 'Believe'.
I'm not religious or anything like that I'm afraid to say. However I do love the idea of it. There's so much more to religion than believing the world was made in seven days. The one thing I wish I could bring into my life is the faith that is paired with religion. Sometimes it doesn't really matter what you believe in, as long as there's something.
Derren Brown's tricks. They are simply just that, and I'm not going to preach that he's psychic and has special powers or anything like that. But at the same time, I have no desire to know the workings of his act. There are some things that are better to be naive about.
Remember when you found out that the coin from behind your ear was actually in their hand all along... oh the dissapointment.
Whereas if you never know, then you can always believe.
It almost doesn't matter what you believe in; be it a dream, a wish, a God, a person or yourself. Make sure there's something. And when you do believe in it, don't tip toe around it. There's no point believing in something unless you put every ounce of your faith into it. If you believe in it then who is anyone else to tell you it's not real?
I believe.
I believe in you.
Children should believe in Santa Claus for as long as they possibly can.
Girl believing in fairies.
x.
Saturday 2 May 2009
Girl whose tummy is rumbling.
Saturday 2nd May 2009.
For the first time this week I've actually gotten down and done some work... can you tell I'm at my mom's. This house seems to have a good influence on me. Still a lot more to do though... there always is!
At the moment everyone (most) seems to be happy. I don't know whether it's because of the sunshine we're having in spontaneous bursts, or to put it down to something else. I guess the safest thing to blame it on would be luck. It's ambiguous enough to never get it wrong by saying that.
Well, whatever it is that's making my friends happy at the moment I like it - and hope it'll stick around for a while.
This summer is looking like it might even top last year! Didn't think I'd say that, just because of how purely amazing last year was... but you never know.
Tradition is a lovely thing, I really do like it, but - and yes there always is a but whenever I mention anything - I'd never be loyal enough to tradition not to take that jump you sometimes need to take to do something new. Breaking the constraints of tradition is sometimes better than following it.
Never be afraid of surprise. You never know, it might surprise you.
Girl whose tummy is rumbling.
x.
For the first time this week I've actually gotten down and done some work... can you tell I'm at my mom's. This house seems to have a good influence on me. Still a lot more to do though... there always is!
At the moment everyone (most) seems to be happy. I don't know whether it's because of the sunshine we're having in spontaneous bursts, or to put it down to something else. I guess the safest thing to blame it on would be luck. It's ambiguous enough to never get it wrong by saying that.
Well, whatever it is that's making my friends happy at the moment I like it - and hope it'll stick around for a while.
This summer is looking like it might even top last year! Didn't think I'd say that, just because of how purely amazing last year was... but you never know.
Tradition is a lovely thing, I really do like it, but - and yes there always is a but whenever I mention anything - I'd never be loyal enough to tradition not to take that jump you sometimes need to take to do something new. Breaking the constraints of tradition is sometimes better than following it.
Never be afraid of surprise. You never know, it might surprise you.
Girl whose tummy is rumbling.
x.
Friday 1 May 2009
Girl drawing on her hand.
Friday 1st May 2009.
White Rabbits!
I love the fact that every month on the first my friend texts me saying white rabbits early in the morning so i remember to say it. If you ask me then that's a sign of true friendship.
Everything that you thought was wrong yesterday does always seem to work itself out today. People that you let down can somehow seem to forgive you, even when they didn't have to... I've learnt from my mistakes. I'm not claiming I'll never make any again - far from it - but I'm ready to own up to them and take every lesson from them, after all it can only shape you more as a person.
Right now I honestly think I'm pretty high up there on top of the world. I have an amazing life, and I'm so lucky. Not many people are surrounded by incredible people who will go out of their way to help and support you in everything you want to do; believe in you; forgive you; challenge you; argue with you... but always be there to make up.
This school year has been one of the best in my life. I wouldn't change it for the world.
It's always the people that were there all along.
Girl drawing on her hand.
x.
White Rabbits!
I love the fact that every month on the first my friend texts me saying white rabbits early in the morning so i remember to say it. If you ask me then that's a sign of true friendship.
Everything that you thought was wrong yesterday does always seem to work itself out today. People that you let down can somehow seem to forgive you, even when they didn't have to... I've learnt from my mistakes. I'm not claiming I'll never make any again - far from it - but I'm ready to own up to them and take every lesson from them, after all it can only shape you more as a person.
Right now I honestly think I'm pretty high up there on top of the world. I have an amazing life, and I'm so lucky. Not many people are surrounded by incredible people who will go out of their way to help and support you in everything you want to do; believe in you; forgive you; challenge you; argue with you... but always be there to make up.
This school year has been one of the best in my life. I wouldn't change it for the world.
It's always the people that were there all along.
Girl drawing on her hand.
x.
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