Girl on the move again.

Monday 24th November 2008.

Just been on the phone with the guy from the BBC to discuss exactly what he wants to film for his documentary and all that sort of thing. I do have to say that it all seems so exciting!
On the other hand why do people confuse me so much most of the time. When you think about it life is seriously crammed full with all the torments and challenges delicately stringed together with the nice moments. These are the moments that lead us to believe we are happy even when we're living under circumstances we aren't actually happy with.
I live for these moments, as do a lot of other people I'm sure.
Moving into the new flat tonight.

Our new start.
Girl on the move again.
x.

Girl unsure.

Sunday 23rd November 2008.

I don't quite understand why people are so unsure of everything. Maybe they always have been and now I'm only just realising it.
If someone's your best friend surely they're supposed to be able to forgive and forget. If they don't then eventually you learn to live with it and hopefully not make the same mistakes again. On the other hand how are you supposed to react when they do forgive and forget... but only for a while before they bring it all back up again.
Maybe that's why people are so unsure of everything. We never can predict the stability of a friendship.
Friendships are supposed to be the strongest relationship you could ever have. So why does it get so easily pushed to the side and quickly replaced?
Hopefully I'll get better at the friendship thing...

Books and friends should be good but few.
Girl unsure.
x.

Girl surprised.

Saturday 22nd November 2008.

Well today has been very busy. We went all the way to Wales to go and pick a table up off my dad's friend. Good chats about uni in the back of the car on the way there, and I became very hairy from the dog very soon after we got there.
I got laughed at because I didn't know the colours of football teams' kits.
Later on this evening I've had an amazing surprise.
You don't really realise just how much you've missed someone until you suddenly see them again. Everything around me has altered lately but it hasn't really changed.. and then in waltzes my Navy guy. He's grown up and changed so much. It's amazing to see someone fulfilling what they've always wanted to do. They may have done it differently to how I would have and I have judged them, but now it's perfectly clear to me that they're exactly where they want to be, even if they did do it slightly different.
People change. I know that without a doubt. One comforting thing to remember though is that however much people may change relationships can always remain.

Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.
Girl surprised.
x.

Girl looking at the past.

Friday 21st November 2008.

Have you ever had a day that brought you rushing into your past?
Today is another step into my new life, however as I'm walking into it I seemed to have stopped to turn around and be reminded of how it used to be - perhaps how it should have been. I guess life isn't about 'should have been'.
It's a nice reminder and lovely to recall some of the happiest times of my life, as long as I remember that they're in the past. Happy times can be recreated in new adventures.
The happiest times in your life are often those that were never amazingly outstanding at the time, but when you look back on them you think that it couldn't have been any better... if only you'd have appreciated it a little more at the time. Or is that not the case at all? Maybe just because it isn't perfect right now we fool ourselves into believeing that perhaps that was perfection? Maybe neither were, we just still haven't found it yet.
I guess all we can do is continue along our path in hope of finding this 'perfection' somewhere along the way.

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. - Anna Quindlen.
Girl looking at the past.
x.

Girl pretty sweet.

Thursday 20th November 2008.

I've just hunted through boxes looking for Great Expectations. Not to worry though, it's been located! I'm extremely pleased to find my last page still indicated with an old train ticket. I must have been reading it on the train to my mom's.
So life seems pretty sweet on the daily basis at the moment. I got an A on an essay in Literature, I finished my book (you have to love that feeling), I'm being interviewed for the BBC and the new flat is lovely and homely.
I guess life is amazingly unpredictable and is always lurching in the most unexpected corner ready to frighten us to death or greet us with a welcoming hand. The juxtaposition of one day to the next is engaging, always keeping us tuned in. That is life though isn't it. It wouldn't be called living if it didn't nearly kill us every now and again.

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out of it alive anyway.
Girl pretty sweet.
x.

Girl working hard.

Wednesday 19th November 2008.

Today I went to Cambridge University. A real eye opener.
I've always known it was perhaps The best university in the country, however I've never really accepted that until today. Just walking around, you don't even need to go into it, to understand this. You can almost feel the knowledge drifting around you. The want - almost the need to plunge into it is present in every corner of the campus.
The people that walk around you seem almost real. Unthinkable isn't it? They even act real, and normal too. Surely people that clever don't actually live in the same way we do?!
I've never been to a place that holds so much beauty, knowledge and history in such a small place. There's not a alcove, corner or crevis that doesn't have a story to tell. Eight hundred years worth of lives have passed through the doors, leaving as a different person as to when you walked in. Only spending five and a half hours there, and I already feel different.
I know how hard I have to work now, I'm unbelievably determind.

Also.
Got the keys today. It's not quite Cambridge manner, but it's cosy and homely. I walked in and felt more at home than I ever did at Hawley. Going to really make it work.

Sometimes, against all expectations things do get better. Little by little.
Girl working hard.
x.

Girl opportunistic.

Tuesday 18th November 2008.

A day and half!
Lost in translation is a term to define today. People constantly not understanding the message you're trying to portray to them... Usually they're perfectly capable of understanding it, they just don't want to admit it to themselves. God forbid they'd actually put a foot out of place!
On the other had a wonderful opportunity. I had a phone call off someone from the UK Youth Climate Coalition, saying they wanted young people to go to a march protest taking place in Hyde Park on 6th December and to do an interview with BBC. We'd been reccommended for it and they've invited us down!
Can't wait!!

It's not how you begin, it's how you end.
Girl opportunistic.
x.

Girl two faced.

Monday 17th November 2008.

Funny isn't it just how many people we know.
How many of them do we love? How many do we hate? How many do we forget about?...
I think the most interesting category of people however lies inbetween the like and hate. The people that we fool ourselves we have to like, and the do the same on their behalf... but in actual fact you both know that deep down inside you can't stand the sight of each other. You try to find common ground and share interests, but you know that as soon as it's been shared you no longer want to admit to liking it.
Anything that slightly resembles them inside of you, makes you all of a sudden very unsure of yourself.
How many of these people exist in your life?

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Girl two faced.
x.

Girl in a photo.

Sunday 16th November 2008.

I have to say I'm really enjoying the book I'm reading at the moment, I can't put it down.
I've just been looking at some photos from the few days we spent at Butlins and the end of October. I really did have a fantastic time, I'd love to go back and do it all over again.
We say that a lot, don't we? But if it came down to it I wonder if we actually would? Is it worth the risk of doing it again and it not being as good as the first time, or ruining the spontanaeity...
The most amazing times of our life we always look back on and think that they went too quickly, but perhaps that's why they were such good times. They ended before they had time to go sour.
I guess that just tells us to enjoy every moment for what it is, instead of wishing for the next one.

Let's be a kodak couple and smile in all the pictures, look silly when we take them, and laugh all day until we run out of film.
Girl in a photo.
x.

Girl trying to balance.

Saturday 15th November 2008.

The shit. Has hit. The fan.
Can a leopard change its spots? I'd like to say they can. But thinking about it, it becomes clearer that in actual fact they only change the appearance of their spots on the outside. Deep down the spots are still there in every thought, action and decision that they make.
Everyone's 'spots' are gained throughout their life depending on their experiences along their journey. The spots are there to stay, eternally. However the difference between people is how they use their spots... for self benefit, or to benefit others?
The key to happiness and keeping others happy is a healthy balance between the two.

Everything happens for a reason.
Girl trying to balance.
x.

Girl on the move.

Friday 14th November 2008.

A day I'm sure will stick in my mind for a long time yet.
We're always moaning that there's never a moment's peace, and it's true - in a lot of cases. However why moan about it? This is our only chance at life, and along with life comes living. Sitting at home watching the telly with nothing on your mind isn't exactly the most excitement of living if you ask me.
To live you have to go through the hardship to come out on top and enjoy the jubilation at the end of it sometimes. We seen to only recognise the heights as the wonderous of life, but you'll realise that the lows actually decipher a lot of your life, and they're what make the highs so exceptional.
We can go through our years collecting this and that, but all it really narrows down to is things. Instead we should focus on living. Not just sitting down for five minutes, because in those five minutes you could have lived a little more.
I've just seen the contents of my life in bags and boxes laid out before me. Some provoke a few memories, but a lot of it... it's just there for decoration. They're not necessary.

Why does she ask to speak to me now? For the last five years I've been told to keep out of the way because it's their argument not mine.
When will she learn that things don't always go her way. It's not particularly our way either. It's simple the way.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Girl on the move.
x.

Girl waiting.

Thursday 13th November 2008.

Perhaps one of the strangest evenings of my life. In a household with four people, all of their lives about to take a drastic turn... only two of them aware of it. That is how to make yourself feel like living evil.
Does everyone deserve what they get?
Something I've noticed is for the last week I've been happily distracted by life itself and everything in it. A smile on your face can go a long way and fool a lot of people. So by the same principles, having a hard face and always acting a long with it... can't that make people think you're someone that you're not?
I hope this time we've gotten it right.
One. Last. Night.

What goes around comes around?
Girl waiting.
x.

Girl off to read.

Wednesday 12th November 2008.

A huge well done to the entire cast of 'My Fair Lady'. It was completely mesmorising.
Everything else today, has also been pretty damn good. A few spontaneous things have been asked of me and put me on the spot a little, but all in good nature.
Tomorrow morning I have to be in school early to present a video to the senior leadership team, luck me eh? Hopefully they'll like it!
Anyway, it's been a long day and I'm reading a good book at the moment which a friend reccommended. So no poignant thought for tonight I'm afraid.
Other than...

Because you believed in me, I believed in me.
Girl off to read.
x.

Girl proud.

Tuesday 11th November 2008.

Rememberence Day.
It really does make me think about bravery. How much courage must those soldiers have had? To leave their homes and families, something they were so sure of... to leave them to live a life that they had no idea what it would bring them.
I'm the type of person who has to know where I'm heading, of course I like to take spontaneous acts, but I like to have a rough idea of where it'll all end up. For someone to not think of their own interests but actually act upon the best interests of everyone at hand and live their life to those rules... well they have every ounce of respect from me.
A person a lot closer to me has shown every sign of this. He hasn't run into a battle field risking his life for others, however he's done something just as substantial... He's risking his whole happiness. He's walking along a path completely blind folded, but still with a smile on his face.
Some people wouldn't class this as bravery, but right now he is defintely one of the bravest people I know.
I'm so proud to call him my dad.

It may not be always easy. But it will always be worth it.
Girl proud.
x.

Girl presenting.

Monday 10th November 2008.

Just finished homework for the night I think. It's something that I didn't even have to do, but being such a lovely person I told my English teacher I'd do her a favour.
Tomorrow I have to do two presentations, I'm a little bit nervous. I'll just keep telling myself what I always tell other people to think, "I know more about this than the people in front of me do."

I wonder how much longer I'll be here for?
Girl presenting.
x.

Girl in the middle.

Sunday 9th November 2008.

It's a crazy mixed up world where the timing never fits with the plot.
I wonder when it'll next all fall into step with each other and the word confusion will just be a far off distant memory.
I feel like I'm just in the middle of everyone, trying to figure out what will be the best for them, when in actual fact I have no idea. I'm having to face things I don't have the slightest clue about, what if I make the wrong decision? What if it doesn't work? What if once again I mess it all up?
I'm in the middle trying to keep everyone happy, but no one seems left in the middle with me.

When does it get easy?
Girl in the middle.
x.

Girl proud of her dad.

Saturday 8th November 2008.


Spent the day pretty much with all of my favourite people. Been brilliant and I've loved every moment of it. I'll say it once again, I really do love it when things don't go to plan and then your evening turns out even better.

So, my Nan and Granddad have just been talking to me about everything in the last five years. I've just realised exactly how much has actually happened. Granddad said he was very proud and stuff and he hoped everything went well because we deserved it. I couldn't agree more for my dad, he deserves endless happiness. Bad luck there will be no more of, I can promise you that. I guess it just isn't life if it doesn't throw challenges at you though.

One thing I'm not sure about though, has the constantness of it all made me stronger, or actually weaker? A worn down stone breaks easily.

I hope it works out for dad, I really do.


Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.

Girl proud of her dad.

x.

Girl asking for an opportunity.

Friday 7th November 2008.

Have I missed an amazing opportunity by following a path of false hope instead? Is it too late to turn back around and try to catch up?
After certain actions I got a clear interpretation of someone's feelings, but since then a hazy cloud seems to have come to disguise things. Sometimes the cloud breaks and the sun shines slightly though, and I wonder if I've imagined it all. Inevitably the cloud still lingers though.

You create your opportunities by asking for them. - Patty Hansen.
Girl asking for an opportunity.
x.

Girl waiting.

Thursday 6th November 2008.


It's really late and I'm still up doing work. Joy.

I've come to realise that when we worry, it's always about what's going to happen. Something we need to realise, and it's taken me quite a while to figure this one out, is something quite plain and quite simple. Something doesn't always happen. So don't worry about it.

The time for worrying is when it's happening, because only then do you truly know what you need to worry about.


Yes once again I'm being too vague and lacking in sense. I never claimed to be any other way.


"It's not time to worry yet," - To Kill A Mockingbird.

Girl waiting.

x.

Girl giggling.

Wednesday 5th November 2008.

Mike's Birthday.
The two things I love the most; people and language. So when they're combined and it's the people closest to me and the way they phrase things, it can make me laugh so much.
There are times when people sit and think things and never actually say them, they never end up very far in getting what they want. Then there's the people who say everything they want to, regardless of who it might embarrass or how stupid it may make them look.
Some of the funniest people in the world today aren't funny through what they do, nor by what they say, but by how they say it. Often it's the most obvious things that make us laugh, purely because no one will actually say it.

Make someone smile today.
Girl giggling.
x.

Girl reading.

Tuesday 4th November 2008.

There's something so magical about a book. It can hold an entire life in it, a whole love story, it can make you laugh, it can make you cry, it can change your life. There's no other way to get a message across to people the way a novel can.
So why don't some people read them?
Personally I can't give a justified answer to this, because to not read is just unthinkable to me.
Sometimes we all get so wrapped up in our little lives we forget about what other people have to gone through and how they got through it. Reading a book is a huge insight into the deepest part of someone, even a fictional book reveals so much about a person. However many blogs I write I will never reveal as much about myself as someone does when writing about a character. It's impossible to keep yourself out of a book you've written.
Books are the best way we can understand people, and each of their stories. They allow us to see not only what their situations are but what they think of them.
Something that can let you live inside it, outside of your own life, even for a second has to be magic. There's nothing else to it.

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. -Roald Dhal.
Girl reading.
x.

Girl decided.

Monday 3rd November 2008.

When you finally think you've made one decision why does everything happen to make you change your mind again? But this time I really think I have decided. Friends come first no matter what, and that should manipulate every decision from here on forward.
Also, I've realised just how much I've missed certain people who used to be such a huge part of my life, and now they just seem to hang in the sidelines. I hope they stay at least in the sidelines so I always get to keep them.
ALSO. I really do love Birmingham at night time. It's so magical.

Some are keepers.
Girl decided.
x.

Girl trying not to think.

Sunday 2nd November 2008.

There are things I could sit and think about until I was blue in the face, but afterwards all I've done is think, and where has that got me? Or there's the other option of just waiting until things happen and only think about it when you're faced with a decision.
All the pointless thought and endless worrying that we do in the meantime is often an excessive pain and drama.
The less we think about things the more we'll actually act, because we won't talk ourselves out of things. I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing though.

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening. - George Barzan
Girl trying not to think.
x.

Girl trying to juggle.

Saturday !st November 2008.

White rabbits.
Should your purpose in life be to try to make yourself happy, or should others' happiness come before your own? Is it selfish to make yourself happy?
I used to think all I wanted out of life is to be happy, and that seemed like a big enough task to fulfill... but what if that isn't the end to it? Just lately it seems like I have to make everyone else happy as well.
I always seem to be inbetween everyone, always unbalanced and hoping for an opportunity. Sometimes I pass the opportunity by and sometimes I take it - I've taken it a lot more just lately. However it appears as though taking the opportunity isn't enough, you must need something else as well. I can't figure out what though.
I've been happy for ages and yet I still couldn't quite grasp things properly.. permenantly. Then I thought if I'm happy and I'm making other people happy then surely everything else will fall into place. But obviously not. That in itself is virtually impossible to do, to keep everyone else happy and yourself all at the same time.
I think the thing missing is luck. I need a bit of that thrown my way.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look for so long at the closed door we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Girl trying to juggle.
x.