Girl with a circle.

Thursday 30th April 2009.

I've just got back from seeing the "Grease" production at my school. Even though I went to see it last night, it was still mesmorising tonight as well. I can never begin to describe the effects of seeing a live show - of any sorts. It gives you a feeling that everyone can experience, but I don't think anyone can quite describe it. And what makes it even more amazing is seeing your best friends up on stage putting their heart and soul into something they've all worked so hard for... and getting what they deserve.
I've had one of the best weeks of my life; a little too much fun considering how close exams are, but it's all good.
I'm so proud of my friends, and think that each of them are brilliant in their own different way. Some people go their whole life not having a circle of people they can love and trust, I'm lucky enough to have several. I'm not naive enough to think we'll all stay together for the rest of our lives, but we've grown up together and that has to count for a lot when you look at it in perspective.
Forgiveness is a big part of life and being able to show you've grown up. That's what I'm most thankful for.

Girl with a circle.
x.

Girl loving the tarnish.

Tuesday 28th April 2009.

So, I spent all day getting excited about going to see my best friend's performance of Mamma Mia... then within the first five minutes one of the lead roles twisted her ankle and couldn't walk. Show cancelled. Gutted.
In the end we had a girly night in at the flat, got to love it. After realising earlier just how much art work I had to do within the next two weeks, it turned out to be quite a productive night. Painting my friends' faces with Climate Change campaign slogans is definitely the way forward, even if the paint does make your face so hard it feels like you've been botoxed.
Right now things aren't perfect, in fact there are a lot of things that are very much tarnished... however I'm happy. I guess life isn't about being sad about the things you don't have, it's about the happiness from the things you do have. If we looked at everything in that light I think we'd have a far happier nation. It isn't even the 'things' we have, not for me anyway; it's the people.
Friends change all the time, and even though the ones I expected to stay haven't, it turns out that maybe it'll all work out anyway. The friends that are practically family will be around for a long time to come yet - I'd bet my life on it.

Girl loving the tarnish.
x.

Girl more than lucky.

Monday 27th April 2009.

I think it's a very lucky thing to find someone you get on well with. But is it merely luck to find someone you get on with, you can talk to for hours on end without running short of things to talk about, agree with, understand and simply have a laugh with.
Fun shouldn't cost a penny... and these last few nights I've seriously learnt that.
Life never seizes to surprise me, and I'll always appreciate that. A life that's lived along the expected line seems like the most dreaded way of living if you ask me. I can't imagine knowing what every day is going to be like, well actually I can... and I don't like it one bit. At the moment, I like not knowing, I like the scared feeling I get in the pit of my stomach although best of all I like knowing that absolutely anything can happen. Anything at all.

We make our own choices, and our choices make us.
Girl more than lucky.
x.

Girl sitting smiling.

Sunday 26th April
Rouge Day! - The Girls.

This weekend has been pretty amazing. Friday night turned out to be a partial disaster, which resulted in a good story but a two hour walk home at two o'clock in the morning in the cold is never a good thing. Then Alton Towers; a day with the friends in the rain and shine... automatically equals a good day - even if it is after a night of only four hours sleep.
Then last night, one of the most random nights of my life yet. But like I've said before in so many of my blogs, nothing beats a little randomness.
Have you ever stayed up all night, almost without even realising it? Transfixed in the moment so that you don't see the others simply pass you by. I spent the night last night with someone I haven't really caught up with properly in years, and now I really can't figure out for the life of me why. It's strange how we seem to lose contact with the people that are right on our door step.
I've officially decided that the sunrise is one of the nicest things ever, and it's weird to think that we can see something so beautiful every day... and yet we don't. I think I might get up to see it more often, it shouldn't be wasted.
Saturday nights are all about;
Talking.
Films being on but not watching them.
Going to buy drinks.
Going on random drives.
Talking.
Asda car park.
Rabbits in the lanes.
Talking.
Making chocolate cake.
Eating chocolate cake.
Listening to music.
Singing - falsetto.
Talking.
Heart breakers.
Texting in to the radio.
Going for walks at 5am.
Watching the sun rise.
First kisses.
Talking.
Falling asleep in front of a movie.
...Smiling about it the next day.

Happiness isn't something you experience, it's something you remember.
Girl sitting smiling.
x.

Girl singing in her head.

Tuesday 21st April 2009.

Liam's Birthday.

So today my minds been drifting around like a carousel. I really don't think I'll ever understand the meanderings of my own mind, let alone try and figure out someone else's. Or would that actually be easier, because you'd see things a lot more contrasted in black and white without the grey area brimming with emotion.
One thing I can't seem to answer, however long I turn it over for is why and how people seem to possess you so much? Why can a day's thoughts hang around one person, even if you haven't spoken to them... or maybe it's because you haven't spoken to them. Every time your phone buzzes and you're telling yourself you know it's not them, but deep down inside we all know you're hoping it's them. When you come online they're the first person you look for. When you hear a nice song on the radio, it's them you're thinking about.
It's not like you're actually obsessed, you don't even particularly want to be if the truth be told... it's just the way it is. And however much we deny it to everyone, we actually deny it to ourselves twice as much. Because it's not nice to feel like that - especially when it has no path to follow.
I truly don't understand it how one person can have such a hold over you - and they probably don't even realise it. Neither did you, until it was too late.
Laugh if you want, but think deep inside and I would bet my life that we've all been there once or twice.
Gone are the days of waiting by the phone, welcome to the refresh button on facebook.

Girl singing in her head.
x.

Girl welcoming the sun.

Monday 20th April 2009.

Back to school, and don't you just love it? Well no, not this time I didn't. I think today may have been one of the worst days of my entire school life. By some people's standards it probably wasn't that bad, but... I'm not sure entirely how to describe it other than saying everything I love about school was absent from today. My head was playing truent from any work that was set, while the novelty of hanging out with my favourite people in the world was also brought crumbling down because of present events. However, on the same side as that I must also say that I have seen something within my friends today that I hope I could reflect back at them if they ever needed it - although I'm sure they never will because they're all much nicer people than I'll ever be. I'm not saying that as some sort of undying statement that's meant to evoke some sort of sympathy, it's just that I know I do a lot of selfish things, most of which are stupid too. And luckily I have friends who know that, and are always there to laugh at me and kick it back in my face... but help me get the dust out my eyes once it's all settled.
I'm also getting rather fed up with the hold a guy can have on a girl. Do they even realise that they have this power? Because I seriously think they should be given some lessons on how to treat it with some common curtosy... Maybe that's a little harsh actually because this time "He's" done nothing wrong - and yet it still makes me feel so uneasy.
I wonder if we have this effect on them? Sometimes I really doubt we do because guys appear too laid back and not bothered enough to care or think about us as much as we do them. They can't possibly - no one's that good of an actor.

I haven't fallen, merely tripped a little.
Girl welcoming the sun.
x.

Girl in the dog house.

Sunday 19th April 2009.

So I've officially deserted my blog for a few weeks, and I really have missed it. My laptop broke so while having it fixed I was thrown from the normal routine of writing before I went to bed.
Well, a lot's happened this Easter. A lot more than any of my previous Easters anyway. I think I've made one of the biggest mistakes of my life and put my friendships on the line for the sake of it.
We have to do things ourselves to understand and learn from them, but sometimes I honestly wish that wasn't the case. Why can't I just live by the morals I judge other people by? I don't know about everyone else but I know that I can be so hypocritical sometimes.
This holiday I've learnt a lot about myself and my friends. I've always been the one for living life for the moment and having as much fun as possible within every single moment. And I do still think that's hugely important, however the more I think about it the more I see the importance of long term things. Because they're who I'll want to share the fun times with.
Some risks just aren't worth taking and some mistakes aren't worth making.
Also, sometimes someone's worth changing it all for.

Girl in the dog house.
x.

Girl who knows too little.

Thursday 2nd April 2009.


I guess I havent written a blog for a while because it's something I do when I have something I need to talk about, get off my chest for a while... and lately everything's been fine and dandy for me so what have I got to moan about to everyone? Nothing I guess.

Although tonight I've just been thinking about a few things.

I'm one that goes with living to the full while you're young, because I know I'll regret anything I don't do now when I'm older. But does that apply to everything? Things that you'd never want your mom and dad to find out, but things that we all do anyway... These types of things never really stay in the 'unknown' category anyway, these are the things our parents always seem to find out first.

Nevertheless I'm thinking maybe having fun and living for the moment isn't always the best way.
By those standards don't you miss out on the other things that are just that little bit deeper? May I never reach those if I just skim across the top of everything?

Originally I said I'd never explain anything from here that I'd written, if you didn't understand it from me then you don't need to... I haven't entirely stuck to that all of the time, but that goes for this now.

I'm pubically announcing that You really hurt me. More than I could ever have apparently hurt you. And you couldn't have meant what you said in the slightest, otherwise you simply wouldn't have done it... or not done it as the case may be. This wasn't your second chance, or your third, or even your fourth for that matter, it was your last.

I know you're only defence would be, 'I thought we were just friends'...
Well friends shouldn't be treated like that, whatever the reason may be.


Girl who knows too little.

x.