Girl immune.

Friday 31st October 2008.

Happy Halloween.
I feel like I should feel... something, anything. But I don't.
There's so much going on right now, everything's completely messed up, and yet I can't hate anyone, I can't love them, or empathise. People I've spent so long hating I suddenly just don't care.
I'm scared of the fact that I just don't feel. Right now I should be so angry, or upset, or anything... but not nothing.
I don't feel like anything, but I'm so worried about how I make other people feel. I don't want to hurt or upset anyone. It's ok to upset yourself because you can control the blame. If you upset someone else you have no control over how they feel. Therefore it's sometimes to just let yourself be upset, especially if you don't actually feel it.

I want someone or something to make me feel.
Girl immune.
x.

Girl lost.

Thursday 30th October 2008.

Next week by the looks of it.
If you'd have spoken to me a month ago and asked me where I thought I'd be, my answer would have been anywhere but here. I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going, or where I'll end up. In more ways than one.
Questions have been answered, and several more have doubled up in their place. There really is never an end to drama and the way life pans out.
I've learnt a lot, mostly things people could have told me straight away if only I'd have asked. Sometimes you have to figure things out for yourself.

It's as simple or complicated as you make it.
Girl lost.
x.

Girl with numb feet.

Wednesday 29th October 2008.

I love days that take a mind of their own. Where you end up somewhere that you never even imagined at the start of the day.
There's one thing better than a surprise... a nice one.
Looking back on this evening it's quite amusing how quickly it went. Doing absolutely nothing, you'd think would be incredibly boring. Aparently not. I was tired, I was cold, I was mildly hungry - and I was happy.
What a lovely feeling.
So cold, yet I'm completely warming up for more reasons than one.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you'd left open.
Girl with numb feet.
x.

Girl doing crazy things.

Tuesday 28th October 2008.

The ongoing game. It's about to change our lives, whether it be seriously or just makes them that little bit more entertaining.
It's all about making life more spontaneous and push us to our limits. Things we never thought we'd be able to do, things we probably don't want to do... but then again our friends always know the best don't they. Don't they.
I guess it just gives us an excuse to do crazy things.
So there's the Winter Challenge, during which...
I DARE you!

It's no time for ease and comfort. It's time to dare and endure.
Girl doing crazy things.
x.

Girl looking forward to Her life.

Monday 27th October 2008.


It never ceases to amaze me just how time does 'fly by'.

We all make a point of only having one life so we must make the most of it while we can. Although I'm really not sure just how true this is to be honest. I'm only sixteen years old, and already I feel like I've had a few different lives.

I've had the perfect life. Living in a pretty little house, with a pretty little family and having pretty little problems... which turned out to be not so pretty. But it could be looked upon that the most pretty things have the most subtle beauty.

Then there's the fun stage of my life, where I wasn't a teenager but I acted more like one then than I do now.

Then there's the most joyous life I've led so far...Oh I do love to be sarcastic.

So when we say time flies, it really does. Because in sixteen years I've led a few different lives, all of which have made me the person I am today.

I wouldn't change anyone in my life so far, or anything that's happened. I haven't enjoyed it all, but there have been some parts I have. And for everything amazing that happens and every break you're given you have to go through the bad.


Been through and still smiling.

Girl looking forward to Her life.

x.

Girl who's learnt a lot.

Sunday 26th October 2008.

We all make mistakes every day of our life and sometimes it's hard to admit defeat. Usually the most substantial mistakes are those that we refuse to admit to.
I know when I do things wrong, I'm usually first to point it out... and as most of you know I'll usually point out when someone else has made a mistake too. It's an unfortunate habbit of mine. Sorry.
The one thing that really winds me up though is when someone repeatedly makes the same mistake, one that doesn't actually have an effect on them but alters situations for everyone else around them, and then never accepts the blame.
It's been said that the best way we learn is from our mistakes. I sincerely believe this. However it must be impossible to learn from experience if you are always completely and utterly oblivious to the actual mistakes you make.
Next time you make a mistake just put your hands up and admit it, then see wehre you're going to go from there. If not you'll just get stuck in a never ending circle.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard
Girl who's learnt a lot.
x.

Girl scared to risk it.

Saturday 25th October 2008.

Something's been playing on my mind a lot today. So much so that I can't even decipher a beginning or an end to my thoughts.
I feel like I want something too much. Something that's completely out of reach.
I've been looking through a clouded window for a while and telling myself it could happen. It's time I cleaned it all and looked at the real life rather than living in the hope inside my head.
But is doing that going against what I really believe in? I think we should be able to run a life on hopes and dreams. They may not come true but it's better to believe they might than just settle with being unhappy.
I still have no idea what to do though.

Be happy with what you've got... or take the risk for what you want?
Girl scared to risk it.
x.